I recorded a documentary earlier in the evening on CNBC about the history of Coca-Cola. Meanwhile, the American Music Awards were on. As Whitney Houston was trying to convince us all that she's not on drugs anymore (I ain't buying it), the following conversation happened:
Daniel: Can I either have the laptop or the remote?
Kimberly: (tosses me the remote)
Daniel: (Accessing the DVR to watch the Coca-Cola story) I'd rather learn something.
Kimberly: You're a dork! Do you need to go into the bedroom to get your glasses, too?
I was a pretty big nerd in through middle school and early high school. All those feeling came rushing back to me as the "cool kid" in the family had a laugh at my expense.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
McChing
I drove by a McDonalds yesterday, and I saw the classic "Over 99 Billion Served" slogan on the sign. Obviously, this is an older sign, because McDonalds apparently announced their passing the "100 Billion" milestone on April 14th, 1994 (that's a fun little fact for you to keep). Since then, newer McDonalds have gone with the "Billions and Billions served" slogan (or no slogan at all) on their new signs.
Anyway...
This got me thinking. For the sake of argument, let's just use the 100 Billion number. Given that there are 6 billion people in the world, that would mean every man, woman, and child on earth would have to have gone to McDonalds an average of 16.67 times. Obviously, this average is actually higher, since it has been fifteen years since we passed the 100 Billion mark.
My thought process continued, and I wondered, how many times have I been to McDonalds? Well, we didn't really go to McDonalds a lot when I was a kid. To make things easier, I'll start when I was 16. I'm 30 now, so that makes 14 years.
How many times have I been to McDonald's in the last 14 years?
It's gotta be over 100 times. Surely more than 200. 1000? Have I been there 1000 times? That would be an average of 71.5 times a year...roughly once every 5 days. Well, I mean once every 5 days sounds like it could be accurate. There have been weeks when I've gone every day. There have been spells where I haven't gone for a month. I'd say it could be reasonable that it would balance out to once every five days.
This leads me to my next question...how much money have I spent on McDonalds in my life?
Some visits (breakfast, mainly) cost me only about $3.00. Others get up to about $7.50 A good ratio of breakfast to non-breakfast visits would be about 75 percent non-breakfast to 25% breakfast (this is 750 lunches and dinners, and 250 breakfasts for those keeping score at home)
Lets see....that's 750 x 7.50 - $5,625
PLUS
250 x 3.00 - $750
EQUALS
$6,375
Six thousand, three hundred seventy-five dollars I have spent on McDonalds.
I could have that Gibson Thunderbird bass I want, along with the Ampeg stack, with plenty of money left over.
I could have invested that money and it could be growing as we speak.
As my boss said, "You could have a hooker for a week"
But you know...I really like McDonalds.
Anyway...
This got me thinking. For the sake of argument, let's just use the 100 Billion number. Given that there are 6 billion people in the world, that would mean every man, woman, and child on earth would have to have gone to McDonalds an average of 16.67 times. Obviously, this average is actually higher, since it has been fifteen years since we passed the 100 Billion mark.
My thought process continued, and I wondered, how many times have I been to McDonalds? Well, we didn't really go to McDonalds a lot when I was a kid. To make things easier, I'll start when I was 16. I'm 30 now, so that makes 14 years.
How many times have I been to McDonald's in the last 14 years?
It's gotta be over 100 times. Surely more than 200. 1000? Have I been there 1000 times? That would be an average of 71.5 times a year...roughly once every 5 days. Well, I mean once every 5 days sounds like it could be accurate. There have been weeks when I've gone every day. There have been spells where I haven't gone for a month. I'd say it could be reasonable that it would balance out to once every five days.
This leads me to my next question...how much money have I spent on McDonalds in my life?
Some visits (breakfast, mainly) cost me only about $3.00. Others get up to about $7.50 A good ratio of breakfast to non-breakfast visits would be about 75 percent non-breakfast to 25% breakfast (this is 750 lunches and dinners, and 250 breakfasts for those keeping score at home)
Lets see....that's 750 x 7.50 - $5,625
PLUS
250 x 3.00 - $750
EQUALS
$6,375
Six thousand, three hundred seventy-five dollars I have spent on McDonalds.
I could have that Gibson Thunderbird bass I want, along with the Ampeg stack, with plenty of money left over.
I could have invested that money and it could be growing as we speak.
As my boss said, "You could have a hooker for a week"
But you know...I really like McDonalds.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
One way, or another...I'm gonna find ya...I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
Back in April, we had a huge septic tank problem that left us with standing water (among other "stuff") in our basement.
Not long after that, my car window motor broke, leaving my window down in my door, forcing me to tape my window shut to avoid standing water in my car.
Then in August what I thought was a leaky water heater* turned out to be a piece of paper blocking a drainage tube in our AC unit....leaving standing water in our basement.
Now, we have a pipe between the basement and the main floor of our house with a leak. The leak is coming through the ceiling in the basement. As a result, we have stan....well, you know.
CAN WE NOT HAVE FIVE F'ING MINUTES GO BY WITHOUT SOMETHING GOING WRONG WITH OUR HOUSE?
In addition to the leak, we also have a yard that has so many high and low spots that it looks like a dirt bike track (this is due to the aforementioned septic problem), a section of our driveway that has been raised a good three to four inches higher than the rest (this is due likely to a big root growing under that section), and about a hundred small repairs that need to be done throughout the house.
They say that location, location, location is the key to a good house, but I disagree. I love the location of our house. It's just all the other crap that's ruining this for me.
*I used the phrase "Water Heater", rather then "Hot Water Heater" because there is no such thing as a hot water heater. It would be stupid to heat water that's already hot.
Not long after that, my car window motor broke, leaving my window down in my door, forcing me to tape my window shut to avoid standing water in my car.
Then in August what I thought was a leaky water heater* turned out to be a piece of paper blocking a drainage tube in our AC unit....leaving standing water in our basement.
Now, we have a pipe between the basement and the main floor of our house with a leak. The leak is coming through the ceiling in the basement. As a result, we have stan....well, you know.
CAN WE NOT HAVE FIVE F'ING MINUTES GO BY WITHOUT SOMETHING GOING WRONG WITH OUR HOUSE?
In addition to the leak, we also have a yard that has so many high and low spots that it looks like a dirt bike track (this is due to the aforementioned septic problem), a section of our driveway that has been raised a good three to four inches higher than the rest (this is due likely to a big root growing under that section), and about a hundred small repairs that need to be done throughout the house.
They say that location, location, location is the key to a good house, but I disagree. I love the location of our house. It's just all the other crap that's ruining this for me.
*I used the phrase "Water Heater", rather then "Hot Water Heater" because there is no such thing as a hot water heater. It would be stupid to heat water that's already hot.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm no linguist...
There is something I have wondered about for a few years...I could probably look it up somewhere, but then I wouldn't have this sweet blog post.
I'm not sure where all of the months got their names, nor is it something that I'm really all that interested in, to be honest with you. What bugs me, however, are names of the last four months of the year (September, October, Novemer, and December, for those of you who don't have the months down yet).
The prefixes of the aforementioned months are generally associated with numbers...Sept meaning seven, Oct meaning eight, Nov meaning nine, and Dec meaning ten. I would imagine that this is derived from Latin, but if you read the title of this entry, you'll note that I am, in fact, no linguist. We all know, however, that September through December are months nine through twelve. This would lead me to believe that at one point, those months were the seventh through tenth months.
Is this true? At some point were two months added to complete the calender we all know and love today? If so, then what were two months that were added? If that is not the case, then why to those four months have misleading names?
Just wondering.
I'm not sure where all of the months got their names, nor is it something that I'm really all that interested in, to be honest with you. What bugs me, however, are names of the last four months of the year (September, October, Novemer, and December, for those of you who don't have the months down yet).
The prefixes of the aforementioned months are generally associated with numbers...Sept meaning seven, Oct meaning eight, Nov meaning nine, and Dec meaning ten. I would imagine that this is derived from Latin, but if you read the title of this entry, you'll note that I am, in fact, no linguist. We all know, however, that September through December are months nine through twelve. This would lead me to believe that at one point, those months were the seventh through tenth months.
Is this true? At some point were two months added to complete the calender we all know and love today? If so, then what were two months that were added? If that is not the case, then why to those four months have misleading names?
Just wondering.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I've got a bone to pick with Brian McKnight
This has bugged me for years. How many years? Ten. 1999 was when the song about which this entry is written was released. The song I am referring to is McKnight's hit "Back At One". I'm sure you've heard this song before. It was quite popular in the "R&B/Easy Listening" circuits for some time, and it still maintains somewhat regular radio play.
Just to refresh your memory (and to help along my blog post), I will use my fingers to type the lyrics of the chorus of this song. And I quote:
One - You're like a dream come true.
Two - Just want to be with you.
Three - 'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me, and
Four - Repeat steps one through three
Five - Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one.
Okay, here we go...
Alright. You're like a dream come true. Just want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah. It's all nice and sweet. Now we get to 4. Repeat steps 1-3? Those were steps? I thought steps were something to be done. Part of a process. This is no process. These are just mushy statements that were made about a member of the opposite sex. I'm sorry, but it is impossible for a person to perform these actions, (example: Hey, after you leave work, could you "'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me", on the way home for me?). It does not work.
Not that it's even possible, because the whole chorus is shot after my last point, but let's move on. Okay, we have performed steps 1-3. We are now at step 4 - Repeat steps 1-3. Okay, let's repeat 'em. Done and done. We are now at step 4 again. Oh...repeat steps 1-3. Well, we just repeated them, but we're back at 4, so let's repeat 'em again. It's a constant cycle that never, ever, makes it to step 5.
Well, logic hasn't stopped us yet. Let's keep this thing a-rollin', shall we?
Step five: Make you fall in love with me.
It seems to me that if you ignored steps 1-4 and just did step 5, then you'd probably be good, right? I mean, I would imagine that the whole objective in this "do-it-yourself" guide is to make the other person fall in love with you. But now that I think about it...steps 1-4 are things that should be done (or said, as 1-3 are impossible to "do") after the subject has fallen in love with the participant. So shouldn't step 5 be moved up to the top of the list? Then steps 1-4 will now become steps 2-5. At this point, when you get to step 5 (formerly step 4), you can now go back and repeat steps 2-4. Now we're getting somewhere! You already made her fall in love with you at step 1, so the rest of your life (or the life of your relationship) can be devoted to repeating steps 2-5...well, just steps 2-4, as step 5 is just the repetition of 2-4.
If my proposal is accepted, and step 5 is moved up, then that renders unnecessary the last line of the chorus: If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one. You know, if that ain't efficiency, then I don't know what is. Just by using a little logic, I have shaved the length of the chorus by roughly 16 percent. What was a six-line chorus is now a five line chorus.
Then again, the title of the song comes from that line.
These are the reasons why Brian McKnight is a source of seemingly endless frustration for me.
Just to refresh your memory (and to help along my blog post), I will use my fingers to type the lyrics of the chorus of this song. And I quote:
One - You're like a dream come true.
Two - Just want to be with you.
Three - 'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me, and
Four - Repeat steps one through three
Five - Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one.
Okay, here we go...
Alright. You're like a dream come true. Just want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah. It's all nice and sweet. Now we get to 4. Repeat steps 1-3? Those were steps? I thought steps were something to be done. Part of a process. This is no process. These are just mushy statements that were made about a member of the opposite sex. I'm sorry, but it is impossible for a person to perform these actions, (example: Hey, after you leave work, could you "'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me", on the way home for me?). It does not work.
Not that it's even possible, because the whole chorus is shot after my last point, but let's move on. Okay, we have performed steps 1-3. We are now at step 4 - Repeat steps 1-3. Okay, let's repeat 'em. Done and done. We are now at step 4 again. Oh...repeat steps 1-3. Well, we just repeated them, but we're back at 4, so let's repeat 'em again. It's a constant cycle that never, ever, makes it to step 5.
Well, logic hasn't stopped us yet. Let's keep this thing a-rollin', shall we?
Step five: Make you fall in love with me.
It seems to me that if you ignored steps 1-4 and just did step 5, then you'd probably be good, right? I mean, I would imagine that the whole objective in this "do-it-yourself" guide is to make the other person fall in love with you. But now that I think about it...steps 1-4 are things that should be done (or said, as 1-3 are impossible to "do") after the subject has fallen in love with the participant. So shouldn't step 5 be moved up to the top of the list? Then steps 1-4 will now become steps 2-5. At this point, when you get to step 5 (formerly step 4), you can now go back and repeat steps 2-4. Now we're getting somewhere! You already made her fall in love with you at step 1, so the rest of your life (or the life of your relationship) can be devoted to repeating steps 2-5...well, just steps 2-4, as step 5 is just the repetition of 2-4.
If my proposal is accepted, and step 5 is moved up, then that renders unnecessary the last line of the chorus: If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one. You know, if that ain't efficiency, then I don't know what is. Just by using a little logic, I have shaved the length of the chorus by roughly 16 percent. What was a six-line chorus is now a five line chorus.
Then again, the title of the song comes from that line.
These are the reasons why Brian McKnight is a source of seemingly endless frustration for me.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How two unrelated things are related
Before I lose you with a somewhat political rant, I must let you know that I experienced one of the best feelings in my life last night. No, it wasn't that.
I was sitting on the couch, and Cohen (9 months old as I type this) was on the floor. Kimberly and I were playing the "Where's Mommy?", "Where's Daddy?", "Where's C.C.?" game, which is kind of pointless now, as he has pretty much mastered it. Then, out of nowhere, he crawled up to the couch. He then pulled himself up, reached out, patted my leg, and said "Dada".
It was adorable. Nothing could have wiped the smile off my face. Of course, I thought it was a fluke, since he has lots of syllables he uses on what seems like an almost random basis (da da ma ma na na tha tha, etc.). He then got back down, crawled around for a minute, came back and did the exact same thing. After doing it a third and fourth time, I was convinced. The kid officially knows that I am dada now.
Now on to less important issues.
Barack "Foreign-Born-America-Hating-Muslim" Obama (please note the sarscam) gave his address to Congress last night. I'll tell you one thing...that guy can give one hell of a speech. In my opinion, if I believed that the words out of his mouth were true...if I believed that his plan would pan out in the fashion that he said it would, then I wouldn't even be concerned enough to write here. Truth is, I'm not really concerned anyway.
Here's the thing. I have my beliefs. You have yours. My dad and uncles have theirs (I know this because of the numerous emails they forward me...all of which I read...honest).
Congress is gonna do what they're gonna do. Will it change my life? Yeah, probably. Will it affect the way I lead my life? Probably not.
The correlation?
The correlation is this: How in the world am I going to allow myself to get all wrapped up and pissed off on a political level, when my kid knows that I'm "Dada"? It sounds silly, but indirectly, it's true. I have a kid who I love dearly. I have a niece and nephew. I will soon have more. If my kid is happy, if he's growing up and learning new things, if he turns into a decent adult one day who is self-sufficient, if I have the love of my family and friends, then why should I care about a room full of know-nothing yahoos in Washington who show their immaturity by whether or not they give a standing ovation or a hearty "harrumph" every third word of a speech?
Changes will be made in government. Some of them I will agree with. Others I will not agree with. The long and the short of it all, though is that I have more important things in my life to care about than politics in general. The government has been screwing people out of their money before I came into this world, and they'll be screwing people out of their money after I leave. As long as my wife and I can still bring home enough to give our family a comfortable life, I don't care anymore.
I'm sure that my taxes one day will jump to 30% of my total income (they probably already have). I'm sure one day it'll reach 40%. One day, it may be 50%, who knows? Point is, I am pretty much powerless to do anything about it, and there's no use stressing about something I cannot change. All of my immediate elected representatives already agree with me.
So that's that. I may still follow what goes on in our federal government. It's nice to be in the know, you know? I will still need to make informed decisions when I vote. I will not, however, get bent out of shape over anything. Call me apathetic if you want...I just have better things to do.
I was sitting on the couch, and Cohen (9 months old as I type this) was on the floor. Kimberly and I were playing the "Where's Mommy?", "Where's Daddy?", "Where's C.C.?" game, which is kind of pointless now, as he has pretty much mastered it. Then, out of nowhere, he crawled up to the couch. He then pulled himself up, reached out, patted my leg, and said "Dada".
It was adorable. Nothing could have wiped the smile off my face. Of course, I thought it was a fluke, since he has lots of syllables he uses on what seems like an almost random basis (da da ma ma na na tha tha, etc.). He then got back down, crawled around for a minute, came back and did the exact same thing. After doing it a third and fourth time, I was convinced. The kid officially knows that I am dada now.
Now on to less important issues.
Barack "Foreign-Born-America-Hating-Muslim" Obama (please note the sarscam) gave his address to Congress last night. I'll tell you one thing...that guy can give one hell of a speech. In my opinion, if I believed that the words out of his mouth were true...if I believed that his plan would pan out in the fashion that he said it would, then I wouldn't even be concerned enough to write here. Truth is, I'm not really concerned anyway.
Here's the thing. I have my beliefs. You have yours. My dad and uncles have theirs (I know this because of the numerous emails they forward me...all of which I read...honest).
Congress is gonna do what they're gonna do. Will it change my life? Yeah, probably. Will it affect the way I lead my life? Probably not.
The correlation?
The correlation is this: How in the world am I going to allow myself to get all wrapped up and pissed off on a political level, when my kid knows that I'm "Dada"? It sounds silly, but indirectly, it's true. I have a kid who I love dearly. I have a niece and nephew. I will soon have more. If my kid is happy, if he's growing up and learning new things, if he turns into a decent adult one day who is self-sufficient, if I have the love of my family and friends, then why should I care about a room full of know-nothing yahoos in Washington who show their immaturity by whether or not they give a standing ovation or a hearty "harrumph" every third word of a speech?
Changes will be made in government. Some of them I will agree with. Others I will not agree with. The long and the short of it all, though is that I have more important things in my life to care about than politics in general. The government has been screwing people out of their money before I came into this world, and they'll be screwing people out of their money after I leave. As long as my wife and I can still bring home enough to give our family a comfortable life, I don't care anymore.
I'm sure that my taxes one day will jump to 30% of my total income (they probably already have). I'm sure one day it'll reach 40%. One day, it may be 50%, who knows? Point is, I am pretty much powerless to do anything about it, and there's no use stressing about something I cannot change. All of my immediate elected representatives already agree with me.
So that's that. I may still follow what goes on in our federal government. It's nice to be in the know, you know? I will still need to make informed decisions when I vote. I will not, however, get bent out of shape over anything. Call me apathetic if you want...I just have better things to do.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
All we hear is radio ga-ga
We have had the radio on Star 94 today at work (if you're not familiar, it's the pop "hit music" station here in Atlanta). As I type this, it is 4:43 pm. This is a real tally of songs I can remember hearing since 12:30.
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon - 4 times
Wanted - Jessie James - 4 times
I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas - 3 times
Second Chance - Shinedown 4 times
The Climb - Miley Cyrus - 3 times
Poker Face - Lady Gaga (no relation to the title of this entry) - 2 times
I've looked up run times on these songs, and at the quantities mentioned, they all add up to seventy-six minutes and fifty-seven seconds. That's almost an hour and seventeen minutes of the same six songs over a four hour and fifteen minute time span. They just pepper in a few of last month's hits along the way, so as to not make the listeners go completely insane.
Ridiculous.
Is this just Atlanta radio? Is it the same no matter where you go? I know this is just one radio station, but it doesn't matter what station you stop on. Go over to the rock station, and it's the same six rock songs over and over. Go to the hip hop station, and it's the same six hip hop songs over and over. Same with classic rock, country, and just about every genre that has a station devoted to it.
Are program directors not aware that albums actually have anywhere from ten to fifteen songs on them? I know that's not how radio works. I'm just saying it'd be nice if it was.
By the way, since I started typing, I've heard Second Chance by Shinedown and I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas again.
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon - 4 times
Wanted - Jessie James - 4 times
I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas - 3 times
Second Chance - Shinedown 4 times
The Climb - Miley Cyrus - 3 times
Poker Face - Lady Gaga (no relation to the title of this entry) - 2 times
I've looked up run times on these songs, and at the quantities mentioned, they all add up to seventy-six minutes and fifty-seven seconds. That's almost an hour and seventeen minutes of the same six songs over a four hour and fifteen minute time span. They just pepper in a few of last month's hits along the way, so as to not make the listeners go completely insane.
Ridiculous.
Is this just Atlanta radio? Is it the same no matter where you go? I know this is just one radio station, but it doesn't matter what station you stop on. Go over to the rock station, and it's the same six rock songs over and over. Go to the hip hop station, and it's the same six hip hop songs over and over. Same with classic rock, country, and just about every genre that has a station devoted to it.
Are program directors not aware that albums actually have anywhere from ten to fifteen songs on them? I know that's not how radio works. I'm just saying it'd be nice if it was.
By the way, since I started typing, I've heard Second Chance by Shinedown and I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas again.
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