My friend Lily (whose awesome blog can be read at bilslandfamily.blogspot.com) just put up a post translating some of the things her boys say. It was pretty funny, and I realized that my son has a few of those as well. Whereas Lily's translations were more in the line of five-year-old speak (getting some words confused with other words, completely made up words and phrases and their meanings, etc.), my translations will be from the distorted, "Cohen version" of the word to the actual word. Cohen is trying to say the real word, however two-year-olds can often be difficult (if not impossible) to understand.
1. Thatty - Daddy
2. Nomine - Snowman
3. Tawww - Car
4. Bee Tutt - Big Truck
5. Aaaa-poot-nat - Fruit Snacks
6. Seet - Sixx (our cat)
7. Thhhhhe The - CC (our dog)
8. Ahbe Ite Batt - I'll Be Right Back (accompanied by holding up one finger as if to say "wait a minute"). This statement is used if he's the one leaving the room, as well as if someone else is leaving the room.
9. Wess - Yes
10. Bah (sometimes "Bobby") - Pacifier (I don't get this one. No one ever called it a Bah. We always referred to it as his paci. I still do, however Kimberly has now started playing along and referring to it as his bah. Hopefully this translation will not be necessary for much longer, as the kid need to get off that thing)
11. Nowan - Cohen
12. Ah deet nown - I get down (while I'd love to tell you this is a description of his dancing ability, it is actually what he says when he'd like help getting down from his chair at the dinner table, or if someone is holding him)
13. Dat moine! - That's mine! (which actually translates to "Would you please give that to me?", regardless of whether the object in question actually belongs to him)
14. Aff - Elephant
15. Line - Lion
16. Line - Tiger
17. Thatty, deet opp! - Daddy, get up (this is usually in the middle of my eating dinner, and he wants me to stop doing that and play in his room).
18. Raaaawwww - The sound of a lion, tiger, bear, allitagor, shark (accompanied by holding both hands up as claws)
19. Seet deet me - Sixx got me (this is used to describe any cut or bruise he may have, regardless of whether Sixx actually got him, or if he fell down, or bumped his head, or just about anything)
A lot of these are starting to dwindle away, as he is starting to pronounce things better at a surprising rate. I guess this is a good thing, but I kind of like being able to figure out and translate (most of) his jibberish.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Okay, Paul. Let's do this.
I just heard "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover", by Paul Simon.
I don't know where to begin to describe how full of crap this song is. I guess I'll just start with the obvious. The chorus states:
You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
50 Ways? I'd like to consider myself atleast slightly above average in everyday math, but by my first count, that was only five, Paul. Actually, the number is up for discussion. For example:
1. Slip out the back, Jack. Okay, that's one way.
2. Make a new plan, Stan. Is that really a way to leave your lover? Make a new plan? I don't think it is. That's just kind of stating the obvious. If you want to leave your lover, you are already making a new plan. Let's try #2 again:
2. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Nope, that's not a way to leave your lover, either.
2. Just get yourself free. It's a stretch, but since the initial guidelines are a little loose to begin with, I'll run with it. Okay, "Get yourself free" will be allowed.
3. Hop on the bus, Gus. Okay, you could do that.
4. Just drop off the key, Lee. That is acceptable, as well.
Okay, we have four ways to leave your lover. It should be noted that what we counted as (the already deemed questionable) "Way number 2" is repeated at the end of the chorus.
On to my next problem: All of these "ways to leave your lover" are really just ways to leave...anything. I needed to get home from school, so I hopped on the bus. I moved out of my apartment, so I dropped off the key. This song claims that there are all these ways to leave your lover, but I contend that they're just ways to get yourself from one place to another. He might as well have said that ways to leave your lover include: car, bicycle, on foot, horseback, roller skates, etc.
I guess that wouldn't have been as catchy.
Finally, (and admittedly, facetiously), it seems that these ways aren't just for anyone. Slipping out the back is apparently only applicable to guys named Jack. If I want to hop on the bus, I'm out of luck, because my name is Daniel. I just find it hard to believe that Paul Simon, great, heralded American songwriter Paul Simon, would write such silliness simply for the purpose of making his chorus rhyme.
So, we're left with four suggestions of ways to leave your lover, not the advertised fifty. Additionally, only one of the four is applicable to everyone, whereas the other three are name-specific. The only one that applies to all of us is "Just get yourself free".
That's what you've got for me, Paul? You come at me claiming you have fifty ways to leave my lover, and I'm left with one vague suggestion?
I think I'll stick with "Call Me Al", where I can't understand the lyrics enough to disect them.
I don't know where to begin to describe how full of crap this song is. I guess I'll just start with the obvious. The chorus states:
You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
50 Ways? I'd like to consider myself atleast slightly above average in everyday math, but by my first count, that was only five, Paul. Actually, the number is up for discussion. For example:
1. Slip out the back, Jack. Okay, that's one way.
2. Make a new plan, Stan. Is that really a way to leave your lover? Make a new plan? I don't think it is. That's just kind of stating the obvious. If you want to leave your lover, you are already making a new plan. Let's try #2 again:
2. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Nope, that's not a way to leave your lover, either.
2. Just get yourself free. It's a stretch, but since the initial guidelines are a little loose to begin with, I'll run with it. Okay, "Get yourself free" will be allowed.
3. Hop on the bus, Gus. Okay, you could do that.
4. Just drop off the key, Lee. That is acceptable, as well.
Okay, we have four ways to leave your lover. It should be noted that what we counted as (the already deemed questionable) "Way number 2" is repeated at the end of the chorus.
On to my next problem: All of these "ways to leave your lover" are really just ways to leave...anything. I needed to get home from school, so I hopped on the bus. I moved out of my apartment, so I dropped off the key. This song claims that there are all these ways to leave your lover, but I contend that they're just ways to get yourself from one place to another. He might as well have said that ways to leave your lover include: car, bicycle, on foot, horseback, roller skates, etc.
I guess that wouldn't have been as catchy.
Finally, (and admittedly, facetiously), it seems that these ways aren't just for anyone. Slipping out the back is apparently only applicable to guys named Jack. If I want to hop on the bus, I'm out of luck, because my name is Daniel. I just find it hard to believe that Paul Simon, great, heralded American songwriter Paul Simon, would write such silliness simply for the purpose of making his chorus rhyme.
So, we're left with four suggestions of ways to leave your lover, not the advertised fifty. Additionally, only one of the four is applicable to everyone, whereas the other three are name-specific. The only one that applies to all of us is "Just get yourself free".
That's what you've got for me, Paul? You come at me claiming you have fifty ways to leave my lover, and I'm left with one vague suggestion?
I think I'll stick with "Call Me Al", where I can't understand the lyrics enough to disect them.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Boy, I sure hope (insert year) is better than (insert previous year)!
I've noticed this on Facebook over the past few years. Every December, people start putting up their "I sure hope next year is better than this last year!" as their status updates. In 2009, everyone was hoping it would be better than their 2008's. Same goes for the dawn of 2010. If I would have believed the hype as 2010 was approaching, I would have thought that 2009 may have been the worst year in history. It seemed like almost everybody was complaining about their 2009 like it was the worst thing that had ever happened to them. I have a couple of responses to this.
First off - If the previous year was so bad for you, it's up to you to make the next year better. Granted, I know that a lot of bad things happen to people that are beyond our control. But how one feels and reacts to adversity is all a matter of perception. Kimberly and I tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant through the better part of 2007. We failed numerous times, despite fertility drugs and procedures. However, as 2008 started, we didn't count 2007 as a failure. We didn't say "I sure hope 2008 is better than 2007...what an awful year 2007 was". We just looked forward to the next year in hopes that our efforts would be fruitful. It's all how you choose to look at things.
Secondly - It seems like it's the same people that are posting these things every year. Even if I did believe in the concept of a "bad year", are these people having a "bad three years"? I doubt it. I bet these people are just looking at bad things that happened over the course of these years and deciding that these things will be the focal point of their memory. Did nothing good happen during these three years? I bet it did.
I guess everything goes back to my first point. Be positive. In 2009, our septic system shut down, and we had to completely replace it. It ran in the neighborhood of $10,000 that we had to split between two credit cards. As a result, our monthly credit card statements are still outrageous. We're still feeling the aftershocks of that hit to our finances, and it'll be a loooooong time before that's all paid off. I don't by any means think that 2009 was a bad year, though.
Like I said before, I know things happen that are beyond our control. Things we'd like to forget or have never lived through. These things happen, though. It's up to us as to how we react to them and how we move on.
That being said...I hope 2011 is just as good as 2010, but better than 1978 (because if 1978 was better, I will be bummed that I missed it by not being born yet)
First off - If the previous year was so bad for you, it's up to you to make the next year better. Granted, I know that a lot of bad things happen to people that are beyond our control. But how one feels and reacts to adversity is all a matter of perception. Kimberly and I tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant through the better part of 2007. We failed numerous times, despite fertility drugs and procedures. However, as 2008 started, we didn't count 2007 as a failure. We didn't say "I sure hope 2008 is better than 2007...what an awful year 2007 was". We just looked forward to the next year in hopes that our efforts would be fruitful. It's all how you choose to look at things.
Secondly - It seems like it's the same people that are posting these things every year. Even if I did believe in the concept of a "bad year", are these people having a "bad three years"? I doubt it. I bet these people are just looking at bad things that happened over the course of these years and deciding that these things will be the focal point of their memory. Did nothing good happen during these three years? I bet it did.
I guess everything goes back to my first point. Be positive. In 2009, our septic system shut down, and we had to completely replace it. It ran in the neighborhood of $10,000 that we had to split between two credit cards. As a result, our monthly credit card statements are still outrageous. We're still feeling the aftershocks of that hit to our finances, and it'll be a loooooong time before that's all paid off. I don't by any means think that 2009 was a bad year, though.
Like I said before, I know things happen that are beyond our control. Things we'd like to forget or have never lived through. These things happen, though. It's up to us as to how we react to them and how we move on.
That being said...I hope 2011 is just as good as 2010, but better than 1978 (because if 1978 was better, I will be bummed that I missed it by not being born yet)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thirty Something
A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Dear Daniel,
I don't think you're dopey.
Love, Daniel.
Dear Daniel,
I don't think you're dopey.
Love, Daniel.
Twenty-Nine is mighty fine
Something you hope to change about yourself. And Why.
It's stupid, but here it is. Every fast food place has combo meals. They generally consist of a sandwich, fries, and a drink. Of course, one has the option of upsizing this combo to include a large fries and drink as well.
Going back to my "I'm a super-big guy who doesn't care about my weight" days, I used to have the idea stuck in my head that the average combo meal didn't really apply to me. I would get the meal. I would upsize it (of course), and then, just because it wasn't "enough" for me, I'd throw in an extra sandwich...you know, for good measure.
I apologize...I'm speaking in the past-tense, which is inaccurate. I still do this. Given all of my work I've done to lose weight - all the miles I put on the bike and all the hours I put in at the gym, I still refuse to believe that the standard combo meal is enough for me.
McDonalds - Number 10 Value Meal, large fries and drink, plus a double-cheeseburger.
Wendy's - 3 orders of 5-piece nuggets, plus a jr. bacon cheeseburger.
Five Guys - Five Guys is the worst - A bacon cheese dog, plus a large order of fries (if you aren't familiar with the Five Guys fries situation - a regular order might as well be two orders...the large order is insanely too much for one person...probably two). Then, if that wasn't enough...they have awesome grilled cheese sandwiches, too. Well, I have to throw in one of those, since they're so good.
Basically, I eat waaaaaaay too much. I need to change it. Problem is, my body is used to that amount, so when I don't eat that much (or even when I do sometimes), I still feel hungry just an hour or two after eating it.
I have maintained my weight loss, surprisingly, but in the past month and a half, I have not lost any more. I still have 30-40 pounds to go, and if I would just take this simple step of eating portions that I should have, that would certainly help.
Makes me mad about myself.
It's stupid, but here it is. Every fast food place has combo meals. They generally consist of a sandwich, fries, and a drink. Of course, one has the option of upsizing this combo to include a large fries and drink as well.
Going back to my "I'm a super-big guy who doesn't care about my weight" days, I used to have the idea stuck in my head that the average combo meal didn't really apply to me. I would get the meal. I would upsize it (of course), and then, just because it wasn't "enough" for me, I'd throw in an extra sandwich...you know, for good measure.
I apologize...I'm speaking in the past-tense, which is inaccurate. I still do this. Given all of my work I've done to lose weight - all the miles I put on the bike and all the hours I put in at the gym, I still refuse to believe that the standard combo meal is enough for me.
McDonalds - Number 10 Value Meal, large fries and drink, plus a double-cheeseburger.
Wendy's - 3 orders of 5-piece nuggets, plus a jr. bacon cheeseburger.
Five Guys - Five Guys is the worst - A bacon cheese dog, plus a large order of fries (if you aren't familiar with the Five Guys fries situation - a regular order might as well be two orders...the large order is insanely too much for one person...probably two). Then, if that wasn't enough...they have awesome grilled cheese sandwiches, too. Well, I have to throw in one of those, since they're so good.
Basically, I eat waaaaaaay too much. I need to change it. Problem is, my body is used to that amount, so when I don't eat that much (or even when I do sometimes), I still feel hungry just an hour or two after eating it.
I have maintained my weight loss, surprisingly, but in the past month and a half, I have not lost any more. I still have 30-40 pounds to go, and if I would just take this simple step of eating portions that I should have, that would certainly help.
Makes me mad about myself.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Twenty-Eight Days Later
What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Look...I try to be a good person. I generally live with the consequences of my decisions. In this situation, though, I just don't know if I could handle it. I'm just not ready for that kind of responsibility. I think I'd have to split. I'd probably move out of state and pretend that it never happened. I'm sure my wife would be upset, since we've been married six years and already have one kid, but I just don't think I can handle two, you know?
Look...I try to be a good person. I generally live with the consequences of my decisions. In this situation, though, I just don't know if I could handle it. I'm just not ready for that kind of responsibility. I think I'd have to split. I'd probably move out of state and pretend that it never happened. I'm sure my wife would be upset, since we've been married six years and already have one kid, but I just don't think I can handle two, you know?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Twenty-Seven (things)
What's the best thing going for you right now?
Dang...what's not going for me right now? As evidenced by the above title, I will just make a list. Let's say, oh, twenty-seven things that I have "going for me right now"
1. I have an awesome wife who takes care of me.
2. I have an awesome kid who makes me laugh daily.
3. I have a house that I love, not to mention that is centrally located within a convenient distance of everything I need.
4. I see family every day.
5. Both of our cars work just fine at the moment.
6. I have a good job that I've held for a long time.
7. My current bosses are great, flexible, and fun.
8. I will soon have new bosses, and I'm excited about the potential growth of the business (well, like 65 percent excited, 35 percent worried).
9. All of our Christmas decorations are already up.
10. I see most of my friends on a regular basis.
11. I'm in a band that is still fun to play in.
12. As a result of playing in this band and being challenged to learn very difficult songs, I am an exponentially better musician than I used to be. I feel like I would be comfortable taking on just about any project that came my way (not that any are, but still...). I like that I'm still loose and not rusty at playing my instrument.
13. I play weekly pick-up hockey with my buddies, which is great fun.
14. My mom is so awesome that she watches Cohen and Martha every day.
15. My dad always has the exact advice I need, be it about car maintenance, home upkeep, or anything else.
16. I have great relationships with my brother (who I laugh with every time I see him) and my sister (who stays in constant contact with me, basically throughout every day).
17. The Falcons are 9-2.
18. The Braves just signed Dan Uggla.
19. While Kimberly and I are not wealthy by any means, we make enough to pay our bills, which can sometimes be overwhelming.
20. I'm making positive strides in becoming healthier.
21. Um, it sounds pretty cheesy, but I feel that Cohen has a really cool dad, and Kimberly has a really cool husband. Some of Kimberly's teacher friends and their kids can't necessarily say that about their husbands/fathers, who may or may not be rednecks or dorks.
22. I have a ton of customers who insist on dealing exclusively with me because they like my work, which is always nice for the ol' self esteem.
23. I live a 97 percent drama-free life.
24. I live literally 3.5 miles from the stadium of a minor league baseball team, which happens to be a farm team for my favorite major league team (I also get to make player locker nameplates for some of the players who will eventually be Cohen's sports heroes).
25. I have a gym membership that only costs $5 a month...I get waaaaay more than my money's worth on that one.
26. I'm pretty sure Cohen's favorite word is "Daddy"
27. Last but certainly not least, I get to see Kimberly naked on a daily basis. Living. The. Dream.
Wow...it really wasn't nearly as hard to come up with this list as I thought it would be. When it comes down to it, I guess I really can't complain about much of anything. I'm incredibly happy. I have everything I need (tangible and intangible) plus a ton of stuff that I don't necessarily need, but want.
And yesterday's question was asking me about giving up on life!
Dang...what's not going for me right now? As evidenced by the above title, I will just make a list. Let's say, oh, twenty-seven things that I have "going for me right now"
1. I have an awesome wife who takes care of me.
2. I have an awesome kid who makes me laugh daily.
3. I have a house that I love, not to mention that is centrally located within a convenient distance of everything I need.
4. I see family every day.
5. Both of our cars work just fine at the moment.
6. I have a good job that I've held for a long time.
7. My current bosses are great, flexible, and fun.
8. I will soon have new bosses, and I'm excited about the potential growth of the business (well, like 65 percent excited, 35 percent worried).
9. All of our Christmas decorations are already up.
10. I see most of my friends on a regular basis.
11. I'm in a band that is still fun to play in.
12. As a result of playing in this band and being challenged to learn very difficult songs, I am an exponentially better musician than I used to be. I feel like I would be comfortable taking on just about any project that came my way (not that any are, but still...). I like that I'm still loose and not rusty at playing my instrument.
13. I play weekly pick-up hockey with my buddies, which is great fun.
14. My mom is so awesome that she watches Cohen and Martha every day.
15. My dad always has the exact advice I need, be it about car maintenance, home upkeep, or anything else.
16. I have great relationships with my brother (who I laugh with every time I see him) and my sister (who stays in constant contact with me, basically throughout every day).
17. The Falcons are 9-2.
18. The Braves just signed Dan Uggla.
19. While Kimberly and I are not wealthy by any means, we make enough to pay our bills, which can sometimes be overwhelming.
20. I'm making positive strides in becoming healthier.
21. Um, it sounds pretty cheesy, but I feel that Cohen has a really cool dad, and Kimberly has a really cool husband. Some of Kimberly's teacher friends and their kids can't necessarily say that about their husbands/fathers, who may or may not be rednecks or dorks.
22. I have a ton of customers who insist on dealing exclusively with me because they like my work, which is always nice for the ol' self esteem.
23. I live a 97 percent drama-free life.
24. I live literally 3.5 miles from the stadium of a minor league baseball team, which happens to be a farm team for my favorite major league team (I also get to make player locker nameplates for some of the players who will eventually be Cohen's sports heroes).
25. I have a gym membership that only costs $5 a month...I get waaaaay more than my money's worth on that one.
26. I'm pretty sure Cohen's favorite word is "Daddy"
27. Last but certainly not least, I get to see Kimberly naked on a daily basis. Living. The. Dream.
Wow...it really wasn't nearly as hard to come up with this list as I thought it would be. When it comes down to it, I guess I really can't complain about much of anything. I'm incredibly happy. I have everything I need (tangible and intangible) plus a ton of stuff that I don't necessarily need, but want.
And yesterday's question was asking me about giving up on life!
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