Resolution

The pictures posted in my previous entry depicted what my front yard looked like Wednesday night (and Thursday morning as I left for work).

The plan of what was to follow:

THURSDAY

1. County Inspection at 9:00am
2. Plumbers fill the holes back in (planning on being done by noon)
3. I get off work and go to Home Depot to pick up grass seed, fertilizer, and straw to spread.
4. Meet plumber at 6:00 to give him my severed arm and leg as payment.

FRIDAY (or whenever forcasted rain finishes passing through)

1. Spread grass seed and fertilizer
2. Cover lawn with straw
3. Wait for grass to "like magic appear"
4. Be ultimately happy with things turned out, despite paying through the nose, because this is a permanent fix to some shoddy work done years ago.

What actually happened:

THURSDAY

1. Inspection goes just fine
2. 10:45, I stop by to see the plumber leaving (with earth-moving equipment on trailer). I see that Kimberly's uncle Mark is using the family-owned Bobcat to smooth the dirt. When I stopped to talk to him he said "Yeah, I told that guy he didn't know what he was doing, and to get outta here." I was actually thankful for this, because I know that Mark is really good with the Bobcat, and he does, in fact, know what he's doing. As I'm talking to Mark about the future of my front yard, Kristopher (Kimberly's brother) pulled up in a pickup truck full of seed, fertilizer, and straw, thus preventing me from having to go after work and pick up the stuff myself.
3. 5:35, I got home from work, and within minutes, the plumber showed up. I gave him said arm and leg.
4. 6:00, I got started on the yard. Thankfully, Kimberly's dad was there to offer up advice on how to actually prepare the packed dirt, and Kimberly's mom helped me rake, spread seed and fertilizer, and lay the straw, which was made much easier because my dad let me borrow his seed-spreader (which may have a proper name, but I don't know what it may be). We finished just as the last little bit of daylight was fading just after 8:00. Despite not being able to move for the rest of the night and still being sore today (Saturday morning), it's done. It was finished before this rain came in, which, of course, is ideal.

The point of it all...well, several points, I suppose, are as follows:

• It's all over. With the exception of waiting for the grass to come in, we are major-problem-free. Now, we're just left with all the minor problems that have always been there...but we can deal with those.
• You may think from reading this that Kimberly's family seems intrusive and meddlesome. This is not the case. They were awesome through all this, and I'm very thankful. The yard would have never been ready to seed if Mark had not worked his magic on it. It also wouldn't have happened if Kimberly's dad hadn't sent Kristopher to pick up and deliver the seed, fertilizer, and straw early in the day, and there's ABSOLUTELY no way it would have been done so fast if Kimberly's mom hadn't helped me work in the yard. It's a huge family, but they really help each other out. Sometimes I forget that. Kimberly's dad also gave me lots of advice along the way (which was helpful, given that I've never dealt with this before), and he also went and talked to the plumber himself just to make sure I wasn't getting ripped off.
• Despite having big, expensive problems, which are very trying on the nerves (not to mention the health of relationships), it's just good to know that the whole "for better or worse" thing actually holds true. Regardless of the fact that we were without running water for a lot of this time, Kimberly had to shower at her parents' house a few times, and it was just a general inconvenience on everybody...we could still find some sanity and some humor at some points of the night. We were at each other's throats a few times, but ultimately, we were fine, and we knew it. Cohen would smile at us, and that is something that will make every one of your worries seem do disappear, even if just for a moment.

Now, maybe I can put up a blog that has nothing to do with what happens to my poop after it leaves my body.

How's your yard looking?

'Cause this is how mine is...











Every bit of grass in our "front yard" (excluding the part way down by the street) is gone. Our dogwood tree is gone. There are tons of supposedly important bushes and flowers and trees planted by Kimberly's grandmother and uncles over the years that are gone.
It's like starting over on a brand new front yard. Which, actually isn't all that bad. I didn't like some of those plants, and now we'll be able to plant a tree with Cohen and it'll be "his" tree, which I think is pretty cool.

However, Kimberly and I could have bought a car with the money it took to finally fix our septic system. I guess that's the point of this, though...it's actually fixed now. All that's left is the county inspection tomorrow (Thursday) morning, and then they fill the holes back in, leaving us with a blank canvas of land. I guess all that's left to decide now is what to do with it? It's too small for a proper hockey rink. I have always wanted a miniature golf course in my yard. Hmm...

Seriously...

I'm going to start boycotting Subway.

If I hear that "$5 Foot Long" jingle one more time, I think I may kill somebody in the head.

Until they stop with the most annoying jingle that has ever existed, no Subway for me.

Last week, I started a post about my sister and how awesome she is. I got a couple of paragraphs in, but I just never got around to finishing it. This was before they moved in to the new house...before her plumbing nightmare...and definitely before her most recent blog post (at shaunnafaye.blogspot.com). Then, after reading said blog post this morning, I am all the more compelled to come back and finish saying what I started about how smart she is and how proud of her I am.

I am only three and a half years older than she is, so when we were kids, there wasn't much looking back, reflecting, and noticing her coming of age. However, when we were young adults...when she was 17-18, and I was 20-21, I was more in a position to actually observe the process of her growing up.

There was the period she referred to in her blog...where she dated a guy who was a manipulative a-hole. We all liked him at first, and it was actually Brent (and maybe myself) that pushed them toward each other. We realized soon enough, however, that this guy was no good. We talked to Shaunna and tried to convince her, but by that point it was almost too late. She didn't want to hear what we were saying, and he had her convinced that it was the two of them against the world. That situation was actually the inspiration of one of the cheesiest, but most heartfelt Anthem songs, April 7th. It was about "a girl", who on her 18th birthday ran off with her boyfriend, leaving her family behind.

The story has a happy ending, however. Since that period, she grew in leaps and bounds (again, this is from my observation standpoint). Not that I am, nor should I be, the end-all, be-all decider in all things Shaunna, but from a big-brother position, I have approved of every person she has dated since then. Each of those people have been a step along the way to where she is now. And where she is now...is a good place. She and her husband have found each other. They fell in love and got married. They bought a house. They are now living the dream. For better or for worse (and I'm pretty sure they've had a bunch of both), they stand by each other's side.

Last weekend, during the move, it seriously almost brought a tear to my eye knowing that this isn't just one of the Shaunna Dorris "twice-yearly" changes in residences. This one was big. It was more important. This was Shaunna Turner starting her first household. This was Chris and Shaunna Turner and their first home.

For this stuff, I am left with nothing but admiration and love for my sister (and by brother-in-law). They're doing it. They're grows up.

And between you and me...they're both cool as crap.

I'd like to issue a formal challenge...

After some careful consideration, I'd like to issue a formal dispute to that age-old proverb..."Mo Money, Mo Problems". I think many people will agree with this.

If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to put all of my weight (and that's a lot of weight) into opening my sliding-glass door every time I need to let the dog out.

If I had "mo money", we would have an oven that doesn't take over an hour to get halfway to the temperature we desire (not an exaggeration). We would also have a stovetop with four working burners, rather than the one and a half working burners we have now.

If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to buy a new bottle of power steering fluid every three weeks for Kimberly's car...because I'd either have the leak fixed or we'd just buy a better car.

If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have a basement full of old, dog-pee-stained carpet.

And

If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to walk next door to take a shower or go twosies, because I'd have a septic tank that wasn't busted.

Don't take this the wrong way...I am blessed beyond what I should be. I do have a house, a car, a job, a sweet baby, and a smokin' hot wife. I have a bed to sit on and a computer sitting in my lap on which I can bitch about such things. I don't now, nor have I in the past 5 years considered myself poor. We can pay all our bills, and we'll be able to pay for the septic tank repair, but we'll just have to put off those the prospect of fixing those problems that fall a little lower on the priorities list. I like takeout, and straining to open the door is good excercise. My life is faaaaar from miserable.

This may be selfish, or it may just be a simple observation about life, but it just seems that there isn't one point in which everything is fine. If it isn't one thing, it's another. I guess that's what makes life interesting, but honestly, it's much more fun when the thing that's going wrong is something like being busy at work, or not being able to decide what to have for dinner. It isn't so great when the thing going wrong is any one of problems among the laundry list of "things-that-cost-a-whole--lot-of-money".

So, at the next meeting on the Dorris Business Deck, I'll raise the issue and take a vote, officially calling Schymanski's on the notion of "Mo Money, Mo Problems".

Because if I had "mo money", I'd still have 99 problems, but poop coming up from the shower drain in the basement would not be one.

Ahh, the joys.

Long, busy weekend.

Saturday, the usual suspects, minus dad (which really means Brent and I) helped Shaunna and Chris move. This is the, let's see...1, 2, 3....9th time she has moved in the past 7 years since she was 18. And this is the 8th time I was there for it. I would have been there for all nine, but one time was the day of Kimberly's Grandma's funeral.
Anyway, the actual moving part went pretty much without a hitch, with the exception of a very important part of their bed frame magically disappearing, making it impossible to put their bed together, forcing them to sleep in the guestroom for at least the first few nights of their new home. Other than that, the actual moving part was okay...we've done it so many times, we pretty much have it down to the science.
What did NOT go un-hitched, however was the plumbing problem that decided to smile upon Chris and Shaunna that day. Apparently, roots had grown into the sewage line, thus making flushing anything other than liquid impossible. Have no fear, though. It was a simple fix! All they had to do was have a plumber come to their house, dig a trench from the house to the street, notice that the water-in pipe is this polybutal material (that was made illegal about 20 years ago), AND the water-in pipe is sitting right on top of the sewage line (which is also apparently illegal), replace both lines and fill back in the trench, leaving the entire front yard look like a mud-pit! And all of this for only about $6.9 million! I felt really bad for Chris and Shaunna, having to pay a whole bunch of money to fix a plumbing problem. Then I remembered...I have a plumbing problem of my own.
When I got up on Sunday, it was time to clean aaaaallll the mold out of the downstairs bathroom and figure out what the deal is, where the leak is, and what we're going to do about it.
After three and a half hours of cleaning, bleaching, spraying vinegar (to prevent mold from growing back, according to the internets), pulling up carpets (to reveal the KICKIN' orange and yellow linoleum left behind from yester-year), and setting up the new dehumidifier, I was about spent. I thought the leak was coming from the toilet, so I turned the toilet off, with the intention of checking back today to see if there was any new water. We then went to mom and dad's house to watch Brent ride a rolling desk chair down the street in the snow.
About six o'clock, back at home, we discovered what the deal is. Kimberly had taken a shower, and then her mom came over for a minute. We went downstairs to show her mom the awesome linoleum floor, and then we saw it. The shower in the bathroom was about half full....Kimberly's previous shower had come back up through the drain. This means that our septic tank is most likely full and not doing what it's supposed to do. We have also since noticed that every time we flush a toilet upstairs, the shower fills with water.
Sheesh. I have to call the plumber today (the same plumber that helped Chris and Shaunna) and have him come over and tell me that It's probably going to take about $6.9 to fix our problem, too.
So much for the new furniture, sliding-glass door, stovetop, and oven that we were planning on getting!