There is a self-promoting commercial or SportSouth, Fox SportsNet, Fox SportSouth, or whatever the station is that carries a number of Braves games. It features some country band singing a song about the Braves, whist showing highlights of the team in action. The lyrics are as follows:
Load up the bases
Fire up the crowd
Here come the Braves
We're gonna get real loud
Throw me a fastball
Smoltz on the mound
I'm gonna end this thing in just one swing
I'm gonna knock one out
Now, the first verse is a little cheesy, but at least it makes sense. It implies that the Braves are batting with the bases loaded. Great. It's the second verse that I take issue with. Note that this song was written over a year ago, when John Smoltz was still a member of the Atlanta Braves. If this was the case, then why would you want to hit a game-ending home run off of John Smoltz? He's on your team! It could be easily fixed by saying "throw him a fastball...Smoltz on the mound...gonna end this thing in just three swings...we're gonna strike him out", or something like that. By the way...there's a reason I don't write songs. And that was it.
The thing is this, though. Even if you wanted to keep lyrics that are inaccurate to the situation, but still sound catchy (which is a matter of opinion, by the way...I don't really think it's catchy, but apparently some marketing people or focus groups or somebody seems to think it is), then at least spend the money to dub in the name of a player who is actually still on the team. Lowe's on the mound. Jair's on the mound. Kenshin Kawakami's on the mound. It's really embarassing as a Braves fan to have an outdated marketing song that uses the name of a player who isn't even on the squad anymore.
But maybe they wanted to keep it that way. Maybe they said "Now that John Smoltz is gone, we can use this song, and the lyrics will actually make sense now that he plays for the Red Sox". Well, that's all fine and good, but now the problem is that the song is specifically aimed at one opponent...the Red Sox. In 2009, it makes sense to want to hit a walk-off home run off John Smoltz. Why then would they play the song, say, last night? The Braves played the Nationals last night. More specifically, they faced Nationals starting pitcher John Lannan. I'm sorry, but John Smoltz playing for the Red Sox has nothing to do with John Lannan facing the Braves.
What I'm really saying here is that the Braves should hire me. To do anything. Seriously. Anything at all.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Dang.
I've been to 5 Guys Burgers & Fries before. Their burgers (although they're too big - even for me) are seriously amazing. The fries (although they give you ENTIRELY too many) are really good, too. What I had no idea about, though was that they also have hot dogs. I tried one. It was so good that words will not explain the euphoria I felt as I ate it.
But that won't stop me from trying.
Man, this was an amazing hot dog. It was not just the best hot dog I've ever had. It was not only probably the best meat-and-bread combination I've ever had. It was quite possibly the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. My particular hot dog was garnished with bacon and cheese (What makes meat better? More meat and some cheese.) split in two, and grilled.
I had my first one on Monday. Since I couldn't make it home for lunch today, I decided to treat myself again. As I bit into this hot dog, my first words were "This is so good, I wanna blog about it".
The Five Guys Bacon Cheese Hot Dog is a precious gift from God.
It was like my mouth did something really good - I mean something really, really good, like saving a baby from a burning building - and this was the reward.
It was so good that I wanted to puke it out so I could eat it agian.
All of the previous words almost described the soul-satisfying experience of eating a Five Guys dog.
But that won't stop me from trying.
Man, this was an amazing hot dog. It was not just the best hot dog I've ever had. It was not only probably the best meat-and-bread combination I've ever had. It was quite possibly the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. My particular hot dog was garnished with bacon and cheese (What makes meat better? More meat and some cheese.) split in two, and grilled.
I had my first one on Monday. Since I couldn't make it home for lunch today, I decided to treat myself again. As I bit into this hot dog, my first words were "This is so good, I wanna blog about it".
The Five Guys Bacon Cheese Hot Dog is a precious gift from God.
It was like my mouth did something really good - I mean something really, really good, like saving a baby from a burning building - and this was the reward.
It was so good that I wanted to puke it out so I could eat it agian.
All of the previous words almost described the soul-satisfying experience of eating a Five Guys dog.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
A friend of mine (that I made just a week ago) asked me tonight if having a baby changes everything. Immediately, my answer was a resounding YES. Because of other conversations in the vicinity, though, I didn't really have a chance to elaborate, and I've been thinking about it ever since. What I've come up with though, is that while there are definitely a lot of changes, not necessarily everything has changed. That having been said, I've decided to compile a list of "Changes and Not-Changes" that I've found about having a kid.
CHANGES
I now go to bed at the same time as Kimberly and Cohen every night. This is usually at 10:00. It's not really something that I'm made to do...it's just more convenient. There are a few exceptions here and there (for instance, tonight), but for the most part, I'm ready for bed by then anyway.
My 10 minute morning commute is now an hour and a half commute. This, of course, is because I now take the kid to my parents' house every day, since Kimberly and I still both work full-time.
We don't go out as much as we used to. Naturally. Not that we went out a lot before...it's just less now that it was even then.
We utilize the DVR way more than we used to. Making it through a full thirty-minute show isn't nearly as easy as it once was. Thank goodness we can now pause (around 8:00 every night for bath time), rewind (to go back over what we missed when he was fussy), and record those shows that come on at ten, after we've gone to bed.
At this point, I must note that not all the changes are bad. There are positive changes, too.
For example:
I don't have the same sensitive gag reflex I once had. It's still sensitive, but now I can handle a poopy diaper with ease. Long ago, before I had my own kid, I changed my nephew's wet diaper once. Wet...that's it...and I dry-heaved like a sonofagun. The smell of puke (yeah, baby puke still smells like regular puke) doesn't get me nearly as much as it once did, either.
No matter what happens, my mood can instantly be made better by seeing the kid smile. I never would have guessed that seeing one smile from a kid could do a one-eighty on my psycological well-being, but it's true.
Family Rap Dancin' time is great. Cohen has some pretty sweet moves. He had the "One-Legged-Shuffle", and he has now graduated to "walking it out".
NOT-CHANGES
I still listen to the same stuff in the car that I once did (Granted, this will probably change once he's old enough to understand the English language)
I still make it out to play hockey with the dudes every Saturday morning.
Honestly, I don't think my personality has changed all that much. Sure, I've thrown in some goo-goos and ga-gas for his entertainment's sake, but as far as I can tell, I can still carry on the same adult conversations as I once did. I talk about him a lot, but I don't think he dominates my daily dialog. I can still carry on conversations about life, work, the Braves, etc. Sometimes I catch myself talking about him too much, and when I do, I usually try and change the subject. I am aware that not everyone wants to hear about my kid all the time. If you should ever notice me not shutting up about my kid, please bear with me...before long, I'll notice and stop. Other than that, I really feel like the same dude.
So there you have it. If you would have asked me three months ago if having a baby is fun and cool, I would have said yes, but I would have been saying it through clinched teeth and a fake smile. Ask me again today, and I'll say yes again...but this time I'll really mean it.
CHANGES
I now go to bed at the same time as Kimberly and Cohen every night. This is usually at 10:00. It's not really something that I'm made to do...it's just more convenient. There are a few exceptions here and there (for instance, tonight), but for the most part, I'm ready for bed by then anyway.
My 10 minute morning commute is now an hour and a half commute. This, of course, is because I now take the kid to my parents' house every day, since Kimberly and I still both work full-time.
We don't go out as much as we used to. Naturally. Not that we went out a lot before...it's just less now that it was even then.
We utilize the DVR way more than we used to. Making it through a full thirty-minute show isn't nearly as easy as it once was. Thank goodness we can now pause (around 8:00 every night for bath time), rewind (to go back over what we missed when he was fussy), and record those shows that come on at ten, after we've gone to bed.
At this point, I must note that not all the changes are bad. There are positive changes, too.
For example:
I don't have the same sensitive gag reflex I once had. It's still sensitive, but now I can handle a poopy diaper with ease. Long ago, before I had my own kid, I changed my nephew's wet diaper once. Wet...that's it...and I dry-heaved like a sonofagun. The smell of puke (yeah, baby puke still smells like regular puke) doesn't get me nearly as much as it once did, either.
No matter what happens, my mood can instantly be made better by seeing the kid smile. I never would have guessed that seeing one smile from a kid could do a one-eighty on my psycological well-being, but it's true.
Family Rap Dancin' time is great. Cohen has some pretty sweet moves. He had the "One-Legged-Shuffle", and he has now graduated to "walking it out".
NOT-CHANGES
I still listen to the same stuff in the car that I once did (Granted, this will probably change once he's old enough to understand the English language)
I still make it out to play hockey with the dudes every Saturday morning.
Honestly, I don't think my personality has changed all that much. Sure, I've thrown in some goo-goos and ga-gas for his entertainment's sake, but as far as I can tell, I can still carry on the same adult conversations as I once did. I talk about him a lot, but I don't think he dominates my daily dialog. I can still carry on conversations about life, work, the Braves, etc. Sometimes I catch myself talking about him too much, and when I do, I usually try and change the subject. I am aware that not everyone wants to hear about my kid all the time. If you should ever notice me not shutting up about my kid, please bear with me...before long, I'll notice and stop. Other than that, I really feel like the same dude.
So there you have it. If you would have asked me three months ago if having a baby is fun and cool, I would have said yes, but I would have been saying it through clinched teeth and a fake smile. Ask me again today, and I'll say yes again...but this time I'll really mean it.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Opening Night!
Christmas Day is my favorite day of the year. My birthday probably comes in at a close second. Not too far behind that...Opening Day (or in this case, Opening Night).
My beloved Braves opened against division rivals and World Champions, the Philadelphia Phillies. I'll try not to bore you with too much baseball...I'll just give you the highlights.
First inning, Chipper singles, then McCann homers to give the Braves a 2-run lead.
Second inning, Francouer homers on the first pitch he sees. Rookie Jordan Schafer homers in his first at-bat of his major league career. It is now 4-0, Braves.
Things are looking really nice at this point.
Fast forward through six more innings of pitching gold by first year Brave Derek Lowe, and we hit the end of the eighth. I'm still hanging in there (albeit a little tired). Cohen, on the other hand, fell asleep around the 4th inning.
For the ninth inning, the Braves apparently decided that pitch-counts must be more important than the inspirational exhilaration of an Opening Night, complete game, 2-hit shutout. They pulled Lowe out, despite his dominating performance. Maybe they wanted to show the world that they have faith in their bullpen for 2009. Either way, it almost didn't work out for my guys. Mike Gonzalez sure made it interesting enough, giving up a run and four hits before finally striking out two in a row to win the game.
Overall, if tonight was any indication, then redemption is on the menu for the Braves this season. They looked like a team on a mission, and I think, all bias aside (well, mostly aside), the Braves have a viable chance of making it to the post-season for the first time since 2005.
Let's do it again tomorrow! And almost every day until October is over!
And, go Braves.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Things and Items
You know those cleaners that claim to kill 99.9% of all bacteria? When I use those, I just use a little more than I should, so as to kill all the bacteria.
Isn't any time the time of your life?
Cohen farts all the time. What I don't understand though, is that the amount of air is less, and it's coming out of smaller intestines and through a smaller butthole - and it still makes the loud, deep sound that a full-sized, adult, grown-up fart makes.
He also recently learned how to roll over, which is pretty cool. He hates to be on his belly, though. He just rolls over, then starts crying because he's on his belly. Then, we put him back on his back. Then he rolls back over on his belly again and starts crying again. It's an endless cycle. I think if he would just learn to stand and walk, then all of this can be avoided.
I often look forward to going home from work, so I can go home and join in on "Family Kitchen Rap Dancin' Time". It's a pretty awesome (D&K)Dorris* family tradition that was started a few years ago and is only made more fun by the fact that there's now a baby to join in the fun.
Over the past year or two, I have developed a (what could be unhealthy) fascination/infatuation with Mos Def. Before I knew his music, I knew his acting (and his performances on "Russel Simmons' Def Poetry Jam, which I like, probably more than I should), but I had never heard his music. Over the last year, I've picked up a couple of his CD's, though, and I have to admit...they're pretty awesome, too. This week he guest-starred on House, and it made my night.
After I left my last post (on April 1st), I narrowly avoided what could have been two very serious car wrecks. I guess that's what I get.
* I had to specify that the tradition is a (D&K)Dorris family tradition because there are now multiple (insertinitialshere)Dorris' around, such as the (G&S)Dorris family and the (B&C)Dorris family. I fear that just saying "Dorris family tradition" will be misleading or confusing in the future, and it troubles me.
Isn't any time the time of your life?
Cohen farts all the time. What I don't understand though, is that the amount of air is less, and it's coming out of smaller intestines and through a smaller butthole - and it still makes the loud, deep sound that a full-sized, adult, grown-up fart makes.
He also recently learned how to roll over, which is pretty cool. He hates to be on his belly, though. He just rolls over, then starts crying because he's on his belly. Then, we put him back on his back. Then he rolls back over on his belly again and starts crying again. It's an endless cycle. I think if he would just learn to stand and walk, then all of this can be avoided.
I often look forward to going home from work, so I can go home and join in on "Family Kitchen Rap Dancin' Time". It's a pretty awesome (D&K)Dorris* family tradition that was started a few years ago and is only made more fun by the fact that there's now a baby to join in the fun.
Over the past year or two, I have developed a (what could be unhealthy) fascination/infatuation with Mos Def. Before I knew his music, I knew his acting (and his performances on "Russel Simmons' Def Poetry Jam, which I like, probably more than I should), but I had never heard his music. Over the last year, I've picked up a couple of his CD's, though, and I have to admit...they're pretty awesome, too. This week he guest-starred on House, and it made my night.
After I left my last post (on April 1st), I narrowly avoided what could have been two very serious car wrecks. I guess that's what I get.
* I had to specify that the tradition is a (D&K)Dorris family tradition because there are now multiple (insertinitialshere)Dorris' around, such as the (G&S)Dorris family and the (B&C)Dorris family. I fear that just saying "Dorris family tradition" will be misleading or confusing in the future, and it troubles me.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Right-Round, Baby, Right-Round
Today started off like any other day. I got up this morning and took Cohen to my parents' house. Before I left their house to go to work, my dad and I noticed that my tires are in TERRIBLE shape. I knew they were bad, but I had no idea that the metal weave part of the inside was exposed (I'm sure that stuff has a name, but I don't know what it is).
Anyway, I knew it was time to get new tires, and my plan was to do it at lunch.
Well, that was the plan.
Some of you may know the access road one can take from the Pleasant Hill exit, up 85 North. There are multiple opportunities to exit and get on to 85 (or "the 85", as some of my friends from California may call it), or if you want, you can just stay on the access road for a long time, skipping any potential traffic on the interstate (or "the freeway", as some of my friends form California may call it). That's what I do every morning. I just stay on that road until the last opportunity to get on the freeway 85. That decision very well may have saved my life this morning.
Somewhere between the Hwy 120 exit and the Sugarloaf exit is where it happened. Oh, I didn't mention...it was raining this morning. I hit the tiniest of puddles, and away I went. First, my car turned right. It was still moving straight, mind you, the car was just turned and oriented right. I eased off the gas, trying not to hit the brakes, and I cut my wheels left to try and correct it. Oh, i went left alright. This time, not only did the orientation of my car turn left, but my direction did, too. Right into the wall.
I was kind of at a diagonal to the wall when I hit it, but it the wall caught just the front of my right-front corner and put me into a spin. I don't know if it was 1 full spin or if it was 2. When I finally came to a stop after what seemed like 30 full seconds of spinning, I just sat there, bewildered, hands shaking too much to even fumble for my phone at first. Thankfully, I was on the uncrowded access road, and there weren't many other cars around. Had I been on 85, I would have definitely hit someone, should I have encountered a puddle like that, and the damage would have likely been bodily, rather than just automobile-um-ically.
Long and the short...I'm okay. My car is a different story, however. I filed a police report for insurance purposes, had the car towed, and my boss came and picked me up, and basically, this is where my story falls apart, because it isn't true, and I'm not that creative. Today is in fact the first day of the fourth month of the year, and I just thought I had to do something to honor it.
Anyway, I knew it was time to get new tires, and my plan was to do it at lunch.
Well, that was the plan.
Some of you may know the access road one can take from the Pleasant Hill exit, up 85 North. There are multiple opportunities to exit and get on to 85 (or "the 85", as some of my friends from California may call it), or if you want, you can just stay on the access road for a long time, skipping any potential traffic on the interstate (or "the freeway", as some of my friends form California may call it). That's what I do every morning. I just stay on that road until the last opportunity to get on the freeway 85. That decision very well may have saved my life this morning.
Somewhere between the Hwy 120 exit and the Sugarloaf exit is where it happened. Oh, I didn't mention...it was raining this morning. I hit the tiniest of puddles, and away I went. First, my car turned right. It was still moving straight, mind you, the car was just turned and oriented right. I eased off the gas, trying not to hit the brakes, and I cut my wheels left to try and correct it. Oh, i went left alright. This time, not only did the orientation of my car turn left, but my direction did, too. Right into the wall.
I was kind of at a diagonal to the wall when I hit it, but it the wall caught just the front of my right-front corner and put me into a spin. I don't know if it was 1 full spin or if it was 2. When I finally came to a stop after what seemed like 30 full seconds of spinning, I just sat there, bewildered, hands shaking too much to even fumble for my phone at first. Thankfully, I was on the uncrowded access road, and there weren't many other cars around. Had I been on 85, I would have definitely hit someone, should I have encountered a puddle like that, and the damage would have likely been bodily, rather than just automobile-um-ically.
Long and the short...I'm okay. My car is a different story, however. I filed a police report for insurance purposes, had the car towed, and my boss came and picked me up, and basically, this is where my story falls apart, because it isn't true, and I'm not that creative. Today is in fact the first day of the fourth month of the year, and I just thought I had to do something to honor it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)