This is the kind of stuff I think about on my free time.

There is a self-promoting commercial or SportSouth, Fox SportsNet, Fox SportSouth, or whatever the station is that carries a number of Braves games. It features some country band singing a song about the Braves, whist showing highlights of the team in action. The lyrics are as follows:

Load up the bases
Fire up the crowd
Here come the Braves
We're gonna get real loud

Throw me a fastball
Smoltz on the mound
I'm gonna end this thing in just one swing
I'm gonna knock one out

Now, the first verse is a little cheesy, but at least it makes sense. It implies that the Braves are batting with the bases loaded. Great. It's the second verse that I take issue with. Note that this song was written over a year ago, when John Smoltz was still a member of the Atlanta Braves. If this was the case, then why would you want to hit a game-ending home run off of John Smoltz? He's on your team! It could be easily fixed by saying "throw him a fastball...Smoltz on the mound...gonna end this thing in just three swings...we're gonna strike him out", or something like that. By the way...there's a reason I don't write songs. And that was it.

The thing is this, though. Even if you wanted to keep lyrics that are inaccurate to the situation, but still sound catchy (which is a matter of opinion, by the way...I don't really think it's catchy, but apparently some marketing people or focus groups or somebody seems to think it is), then at least spend the money to dub in the name of a player who is actually still on the team. Lowe's on the mound. Jair's on the mound. Kenshin Kawakami's on the mound. It's really embarassing as a Braves fan to have an outdated marketing song that uses the name of a player who isn't even on the squad anymore.

But maybe they wanted to keep it that way. Maybe they said "Now that John Smoltz is gone, we can use this song, and the lyrics will actually make sense now that he plays for the Red Sox". Well, that's all fine and good, but now the problem is that the song is specifically aimed at one opponent...the Red Sox. In 2009, it makes sense to want to hit a walk-off home run off John Smoltz. Why then would they play the song, say, last night? The Braves played the Nationals last night. More specifically, they faced Nationals starting pitcher John Lannan. I'm sorry, but John Smoltz playing for the Red Sox has nothing to do with John Lannan facing the Braves.

What I'm really saying here is that the Braves should hire me. To do anything. Seriously. Anything at all.