Another Christmas has come and gone. All the presents have been opened. All the chaos has subsided. All the travel is finished. All in all, I'd call it a success. Then again, this was my 31st Christmas, and I am yet to see an unsuccessful one.
Christmas Eve
The festivities began at 5:00 on Christmas Eve with the candle light service at Central Baptist. It was nice enough, although I find it hard to enjoy such an old-fashioned 1950's way of experiencing church. Traditional can be nice sometimes, but I don't understand how the regular attendees there can bear it week in and week out.
The church service was followed immediately by the Swanson family gathering at Kimberly's aunt and uncle's house. It's always fun and nice. The food is good, and everyone is friendly and in good spirits. There are only two downsides of this:
1. The house is the same size as it has always been, and the family has been growing faster and faster over the recent years as all the kids are growing up, getting married, and having kids (admittedly, Kimberly and I are part of this problem as well).
2. This has conflicted with a small tradition my own family has had for the past 19 years: the annual family Christmas Eve movie. This started when my brother, sister, and I were bouncing off the walls on Christmas Eve of 1990. My parents, in a last-ditch effort to settle us down, took us to the theater to see Home Alone. We enjoyed it so much that we just kept doing it every year.
I'll admit, the DK Dorris' are responsible for breaking this tradition. Everyone in my immediate family is married now. I have a kid, and Shaunna has one on the way. With all of the big doings (that I will soon be delving into), Cohen needs to get a decent amount of sleep. With everything else going on, we just didn't have the time for the movie. Initially I put up a big fight about it. I wanted to keep the tradition alive. After a lengthy discussion however, I finally gave in. After thinking about it further, I came to the realization that it really would be for the best to skip out on it. I'd rather miss a movie and have Cohen well rested and good for all the next day's activities than make him stay up past his bedtime making him cranky all night and through the next day just so I could appease a nice tradition that once had purpose but is now practiced for the simple reason that it's what we always do.
Anyway, moving on...
Christmas Day
Christmas morning started for us around 6:00. Truth be told, I love Christmas morning, and even without having a kid, I would have wanted to get up that early anyway. Cohen just made it not look so silly for a 30-year-old to be up at 6:00 on Christmas morning. Cohen got up at that time on his own. We had our traditional sausage balls, pigs-in-blanket, and Quik Trip coffee breakfast, opened our presents, and were done by 10:00. At this point, we headed next door to the in-laws for Christmas: Round 2 (Round 3 if you count the Swanson Christmas Eve doings).
We actually have two Christmas-es at Kimberly's parents' house. The first is for her immediate family. This goes from about 10:00 till about 12:30. Then, at 1:00, Kimberly's aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandfather come over (this is the Hiatt side of the family, whereas Christmas Eve was the Swanson side).
So, basically from 10:00am until roughly 3:00pm, we have a five-hour eating/present opening marathon. It's actually a lot of fun if you don't mind a little chaos. There are 3 children present for the first half of it, and two more are added for the second half of it. (Side note: I can't wait until Cohen is the age that his cousin A.J. is now. Some of those toys look awesome, and I can't wait to play with them.)
Oh, but wait. We're not nearly done!
Around 3:00, we walk back over to our house. Cohen grabs a quick nap, while Kimberly showers, and I crash on the couch to recharge my own battery. At 4:00, we're in the car on the way to my parents' house. Given that Cohen is the only kid at this point, it's still a little more adult-oriented in that for the most part, it's nice and quiet. There's a lot of good conversation, and not a lot of general craziness. This will change, I'm sure, as in the next few years, Martha will be here and she and Cohen will be getting older, playing together, and creating all kinds of ruckus just like their parents did when they were kids.
Good times were had by all. Tons of snack food, lots of laughs, and a day's worth of being on the go had taken its toll on Cohen, Kimberly, and myself. We came home a little after 9:00, did some minimal straightening around the house, and while Kimberly went to bed, I made a quick run up to the shop. I had forgotten that I had promised my uncle in Tennessee that I would bring him some vinyl graphics. After getting the graphics ready to go and loading up my installation tools, I was back home and in bed by 11:00. We had a big day ahead of us.
Tennessee
One would think that a 4-hour drive with a one-year-old would be a challenge. For some people it may be, but for us it actually works out well. The first two hours are perfect for a long nap for Cohen. We stop for a few minutes to give him lunch, then the next two hours, he plays with some of his toys. Before you know it, we're pulling into my grandparents' house.
Day one was the Swann family gathering. I'll let you in on a little secret...between my mom's family and my dad's family, this is the one I look forward to and enjoy. I spent most of the evening catching up with grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. The night was capped off with a rousing game of Taboo. I almost missed the game because Kimberly and I were going to go to bed, having had a busy couple of days, but I decided to stay up and play, just to even out the teams. I'm glad I did. It was nice spending an extra hour or two with the family. Pawpaw provided the lion's share of the entertainment during the game. If you don't know my Pawpaw...he's awesome and hilarious with a very distinct sense of humor that I've never seen with anyone else. All of his jokes are funny, even if only half of his jokes are intentional.
I finally crashed around midnight after a toilet/plunger debacle that I will not discuss further.
Sunday morning, it was up, breakfast, shower, pack, load, drive. We drove about 30 minutes to the booming metropolis of Greenbrier, TN, population 6,553 (in 2007). My dad's parents live on 40 acres at the end of a long road that has only been paved for a couple of years. It's beautiful land...but that's about all it is. Beautiful land. Fields surrounded by woods, with a little farm house sitting right in the middle of it. If we weren't in such a hurry to get back on the road; if we had time to relax and take it in, it would have been nice. This was not the case however. Our agenda for the day was: Go, say hi, eat lunch, catch up, then we have to go. And we did just that. We left their house at 2:30 (eastern), hit a little traffic around Chattanooga, then were home by 7:30.
To sum up, Christmas is fun. I have always been a fan, and I can't imagine a day when I won't look forward to it, enjoy it, and look back fondly at it. Both of our families (Swansons and Dorris' alike) do entirely too much for us. We're definitely thankful, but how could we possibly ask for more than the love and support they give us on a daily basis?
I got my first real experience in assembling toys this year. So far...not that bad. With the exception of a botched wagon assembly (nothing a little electrical tape wouldn't fix), things went without a hitch.
I look forward to it again next year.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I thought my high school days were over
I recorded a documentary earlier in the evening on CNBC about the history of Coca-Cola. Meanwhile, the American Music Awards were on. As Whitney Houston was trying to convince us all that she's not on drugs anymore (I ain't buying it), the following conversation happened:
Daniel: Can I either have the laptop or the remote?
Kimberly: (tosses me the remote)
Daniel: (Accessing the DVR to watch the Coca-Cola story) I'd rather learn something.
Kimberly: You're a dork! Do you need to go into the bedroom to get your glasses, too?
I was a pretty big nerd in through middle school and early high school. All those feeling came rushing back to me as the "cool kid" in the family had a laugh at my expense.
Daniel: Can I either have the laptop or the remote?
Kimberly: (tosses me the remote)
Daniel: (Accessing the DVR to watch the Coca-Cola story) I'd rather learn something.
Kimberly: You're a dork! Do you need to go into the bedroom to get your glasses, too?
I was a pretty big nerd in through middle school and early high school. All those feeling came rushing back to me as the "cool kid" in the family had a laugh at my expense.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
McChing
I drove by a McDonalds yesterday, and I saw the classic "Over 99 Billion Served" slogan on the sign. Obviously, this is an older sign, because McDonalds apparently announced their passing the "100 Billion" milestone on April 14th, 1994 (that's a fun little fact for you to keep). Since then, newer McDonalds have gone with the "Billions and Billions served" slogan (or no slogan at all) on their new signs.
Anyway...
This got me thinking. For the sake of argument, let's just use the 100 Billion number. Given that there are 6 billion people in the world, that would mean every man, woman, and child on earth would have to have gone to McDonalds an average of 16.67 times. Obviously, this average is actually higher, since it has been fifteen years since we passed the 100 Billion mark.
My thought process continued, and I wondered, how many times have I been to McDonalds? Well, we didn't really go to McDonalds a lot when I was a kid. To make things easier, I'll start when I was 16. I'm 30 now, so that makes 14 years.
How many times have I been to McDonald's in the last 14 years?
It's gotta be over 100 times. Surely more than 200. 1000? Have I been there 1000 times? That would be an average of 71.5 times a year...roughly once every 5 days. Well, I mean once every 5 days sounds like it could be accurate. There have been weeks when I've gone every day. There have been spells where I haven't gone for a month. I'd say it could be reasonable that it would balance out to once every five days.
This leads me to my next question...how much money have I spent on McDonalds in my life?
Some visits (breakfast, mainly) cost me only about $3.00. Others get up to about $7.50 A good ratio of breakfast to non-breakfast visits would be about 75 percent non-breakfast to 25% breakfast (this is 750 lunches and dinners, and 250 breakfasts for those keeping score at home)
Lets see....that's 750 x 7.50 - $5,625
PLUS
250 x 3.00 - $750
EQUALS
$6,375
Six thousand, three hundred seventy-five dollars I have spent on McDonalds.
I could have that Gibson Thunderbird bass I want, along with the Ampeg stack, with plenty of money left over.
I could have invested that money and it could be growing as we speak.
As my boss said, "You could have a hooker for a week"
But you know...I really like McDonalds.
Anyway...
This got me thinking. For the sake of argument, let's just use the 100 Billion number. Given that there are 6 billion people in the world, that would mean every man, woman, and child on earth would have to have gone to McDonalds an average of 16.67 times. Obviously, this average is actually higher, since it has been fifteen years since we passed the 100 Billion mark.
My thought process continued, and I wondered, how many times have I been to McDonalds? Well, we didn't really go to McDonalds a lot when I was a kid. To make things easier, I'll start when I was 16. I'm 30 now, so that makes 14 years.
How many times have I been to McDonald's in the last 14 years?
It's gotta be over 100 times. Surely more than 200. 1000? Have I been there 1000 times? That would be an average of 71.5 times a year...roughly once every 5 days. Well, I mean once every 5 days sounds like it could be accurate. There have been weeks when I've gone every day. There have been spells where I haven't gone for a month. I'd say it could be reasonable that it would balance out to once every five days.
This leads me to my next question...how much money have I spent on McDonalds in my life?
Some visits (breakfast, mainly) cost me only about $3.00. Others get up to about $7.50 A good ratio of breakfast to non-breakfast visits would be about 75 percent non-breakfast to 25% breakfast (this is 750 lunches and dinners, and 250 breakfasts for those keeping score at home)
Lets see....that's 750 x 7.50 - $5,625
PLUS
250 x 3.00 - $750
EQUALS
$6,375
Six thousand, three hundred seventy-five dollars I have spent on McDonalds.
I could have that Gibson Thunderbird bass I want, along with the Ampeg stack, with plenty of money left over.
I could have invested that money and it could be growing as we speak.
As my boss said, "You could have a hooker for a week"
But you know...I really like McDonalds.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
One way, or another...I'm gonna find ya...I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
Back in April, we had a huge septic tank problem that left us with standing water (among other "stuff") in our basement.
Not long after that, my car window motor broke, leaving my window down in my door, forcing me to tape my window shut to avoid standing water in my car.
Then in August what I thought was a leaky water heater* turned out to be a piece of paper blocking a drainage tube in our AC unit....leaving standing water in our basement.
Now, we have a pipe between the basement and the main floor of our house with a leak. The leak is coming through the ceiling in the basement. As a result, we have stan....well, you know.
CAN WE NOT HAVE FIVE F'ING MINUTES GO BY WITHOUT SOMETHING GOING WRONG WITH OUR HOUSE?
In addition to the leak, we also have a yard that has so many high and low spots that it looks like a dirt bike track (this is due to the aforementioned septic problem), a section of our driveway that has been raised a good three to four inches higher than the rest (this is due likely to a big root growing under that section), and about a hundred small repairs that need to be done throughout the house.
They say that location, location, location is the key to a good house, but I disagree. I love the location of our house. It's just all the other crap that's ruining this for me.
*I used the phrase "Water Heater", rather then "Hot Water Heater" because there is no such thing as a hot water heater. It would be stupid to heat water that's already hot.
Not long after that, my car window motor broke, leaving my window down in my door, forcing me to tape my window shut to avoid standing water in my car.
Then in August what I thought was a leaky water heater* turned out to be a piece of paper blocking a drainage tube in our AC unit....leaving standing water in our basement.
Now, we have a pipe between the basement and the main floor of our house with a leak. The leak is coming through the ceiling in the basement. As a result, we have stan....well, you know.
CAN WE NOT HAVE FIVE F'ING MINUTES GO BY WITHOUT SOMETHING GOING WRONG WITH OUR HOUSE?
In addition to the leak, we also have a yard that has so many high and low spots that it looks like a dirt bike track (this is due to the aforementioned septic problem), a section of our driveway that has been raised a good three to four inches higher than the rest (this is due likely to a big root growing under that section), and about a hundred small repairs that need to be done throughout the house.
They say that location, location, location is the key to a good house, but I disagree. I love the location of our house. It's just all the other crap that's ruining this for me.
*I used the phrase "Water Heater", rather then "Hot Water Heater" because there is no such thing as a hot water heater. It would be stupid to heat water that's already hot.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm no linguist...
There is something I have wondered about for a few years...I could probably look it up somewhere, but then I wouldn't have this sweet blog post.
I'm not sure where all of the months got their names, nor is it something that I'm really all that interested in, to be honest with you. What bugs me, however, are names of the last four months of the year (September, October, Novemer, and December, for those of you who don't have the months down yet).
The prefixes of the aforementioned months are generally associated with numbers...Sept meaning seven, Oct meaning eight, Nov meaning nine, and Dec meaning ten. I would imagine that this is derived from Latin, but if you read the title of this entry, you'll note that I am, in fact, no linguist. We all know, however, that September through December are months nine through twelve. This would lead me to believe that at one point, those months were the seventh through tenth months.
Is this true? At some point were two months added to complete the calender we all know and love today? If so, then what were two months that were added? If that is not the case, then why to those four months have misleading names?
Just wondering.
I'm not sure where all of the months got their names, nor is it something that I'm really all that interested in, to be honest with you. What bugs me, however, are names of the last four months of the year (September, October, Novemer, and December, for those of you who don't have the months down yet).
The prefixes of the aforementioned months are generally associated with numbers...Sept meaning seven, Oct meaning eight, Nov meaning nine, and Dec meaning ten. I would imagine that this is derived from Latin, but if you read the title of this entry, you'll note that I am, in fact, no linguist. We all know, however, that September through December are months nine through twelve. This would lead me to believe that at one point, those months were the seventh through tenth months.
Is this true? At some point were two months added to complete the calender we all know and love today? If so, then what were two months that were added? If that is not the case, then why to those four months have misleading names?
Just wondering.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
I've got a bone to pick with Brian McKnight
This has bugged me for years. How many years? Ten. 1999 was when the song about which this entry is written was released. The song I am referring to is McKnight's hit "Back At One". I'm sure you've heard this song before. It was quite popular in the "R&B/Easy Listening" circuits for some time, and it still maintains somewhat regular radio play.
Just to refresh your memory (and to help along my blog post), I will use my fingers to type the lyrics of the chorus of this song. And I quote:
One - You're like a dream come true.
Two - Just want to be with you.
Three - 'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me, and
Four - Repeat steps one through three
Five - Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one.
Okay, here we go...
Alright. You're like a dream come true. Just want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah. It's all nice and sweet. Now we get to 4. Repeat steps 1-3? Those were steps? I thought steps were something to be done. Part of a process. This is no process. These are just mushy statements that were made about a member of the opposite sex. I'm sorry, but it is impossible for a person to perform these actions, (example: Hey, after you leave work, could you "'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me", on the way home for me?). It does not work.
Not that it's even possible, because the whole chorus is shot after my last point, but let's move on. Okay, we have performed steps 1-3. We are now at step 4 - Repeat steps 1-3. Okay, let's repeat 'em. Done and done. We are now at step 4 again. Oh...repeat steps 1-3. Well, we just repeated them, but we're back at 4, so let's repeat 'em again. It's a constant cycle that never, ever, makes it to step 5.
Well, logic hasn't stopped us yet. Let's keep this thing a-rollin', shall we?
Step five: Make you fall in love with me.
It seems to me that if you ignored steps 1-4 and just did step 5, then you'd probably be good, right? I mean, I would imagine that the whole objective in this "do-it-yourself" guide is to make the other person fall in love with you. But now that I think about it...steps 1-4 are things that should be done (or said, as 1-3 are impossible to "do") after the subject has fallen in love with the participant. So shouldn't step 5 be moved up to the top of the list? Then steps 1-4 will now become steps 2-5. At this point, when you get to step 5 (formerly step 4), you can now go back and repeat steps 2-4. Now we're getting somewhere! You already made her fall in love with you at step 1, so the rest of your life (or the life of your relationship) can be devoted to repeating steps 2-5...well, just steps 2-4, as step 5 is just the repetition of 2-4.
If my proposal is accepted, and step 5 is moved up, then that renders unnecessary the last line of the chorus: If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one. You know, if that ain't efficiency, then I don't know what is. Just by using a little logic, I have shaved the length of the chorus by roughly 16 percent. What was a six-line chorus is now a five line chorus.
Then again, the title of the song comes from that line.
These are the reasons why Brian McKnight is a source of seemingly endless frustration for me.
Just to refresh your memory (and to help along my blog post), I will use my fingers to type the lyrics of the chorus of this song. And I quote:
One - You're like a dream come true.
Two - Just want to be with you.
Three - 'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me, and
Four - Repeat steps one through three
Five - Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one.
Okay, here we go...
Alright. You're like a dream come true. Just want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah. It's all nice and sweet. Now we get to 4. Repeat steps 1-3? Those were steps? I thought steps were something to be done. Part of a process. This is no process. These are just mushy statements that were made about a member of the opposite sex. I'm sorry, but it is impossible for a person to perform these actions, (example: Hey, after you leave work, could you "'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me", on the way home for me?). It does not work.
Not that it's even possible, because the whole chorus is shot after my last point, but let's move on. Okay, we have performed steps 1-3. We are now at step 4 - Repeat steps 1-3. Okay, let's repeat 'em. Done and done. We are now at step 4 again. Oh...repeat steps 1-3. Well, we just repeated them, but we're back at 4, so let's repeat 'em again. It's a constant cycle that never, ever, makes it to step 5.
Well, logic hasn't stopped us yet. Let's keep this thing a-rollin', shall we?
Step five: Make you fall in love with me.
It seems to me that if you ignored steps 1-4 and just did step 5, then you'd probably be good, right? I mean, I would imagine that the whole objective in this "do-it-yourself" guide is to make the other person fall in love with you. But now that I think about it...steps 1-4 are things that should be done (or said, as 1-3 are impossible to "do") after the subject has fallen in love with the participant. So shouldn't step 5 be moved up to the top of the list? Then steps 1-4 will now become steps 2-5. At this point, when you get to step 5 (formerly step 4), you can now go back and repeat steps 2-4. Now we're getting somewhere! You already made her fall in love with you at step 1, so the rest of your life (or the life of your relationship) can be devoted to repeating steps 2-5...well, just steps 2-4, as step 5 is just the repetition of 2-4.
If my proposal is accepted, and step 5 is moved up, then that renders unnecessary the last line of the chorus: If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one. You know, if that ain't efficiency, then I don't know what is. Just by using a little logic, I have shaved the length of the chorus by roughly 16 percent. What was a six-line chorus is now a five line chorus.
Then again, the title of the song comes from that line.
These are the reasons why Brian McKnight is a source of seemingly endless frustration for me.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How two unrelated things are related
Before I lose you with a somewhat political rant, I must let you know that I experienced one of the best feelings in my life last night. No, it wasn't that.
I was sitting on the couch, and Cohen (9 months old as I type this) was on the floor. Kimberly and I were playing the "Where's Mommy?", "Where's Daddy?", "Where's C.C.?" game, which is kind of pointless now, as he has pretty much mastered it. Then, out of nowhere, he crawled up to the couch. He then pulled himself up, reached out, patted my leg, and said "Dada".
It was adorable. Nothing could have wiped the smile off my face. Of course, I thought it was a fluke, since he has lots of syllables he uses on what seems like an almost random basis (da da ma ma na na tha tha, etc.). He then got back down, crawled around for a minute, came back and did the exact same thing. After doing it a third and fourth time, I was convinced. The kid officially knows that I am dada now.
Now on to less important issues.
Barack "Foreign-Born-America-Hating-Muslim" Obama (please note the sarscam) gave his address to Congress last night. I'll tell you one thing...that guy can give one hell of a speech. In my opinion, if I believed that the words out of his mouth were true...if I believed that his plan would pan out in the fashion that he said it would, then I wouldn't even be concerned enough to write here. Truth is, I'm not really concerned anyway.
Here's the thing. I have my beliefs. You have yours. My dad and uncles have theirs (I know this because of the numerous emails they forward me...all of which I read...honest).
Congress is gonna do what they're gonna do. Will it change my life? Yeah, probably. Will it affect the way I lead my life? Probably not.
The correlation?
The correlation is this: How in the world am I going to allow myself to get all wrapped up and pissed off on a political level, when my kid knows that I'm "Dada"? It sounds silly, but indirectly, it's true. I have a kid who I love dearly. I have a niece and nephew. I will soon have more. If my kid is happy, if he's growing up and learning new things, if he turns into a decent adult one day who is self-sufficient, if I have the love of my family and friends, then why should I care about a room full of know-nothing yahoos in Washington who show their immaturity by whether or not they give a standing ovation or a hearty "harrumph" every third word of a speech?
Changes will be made in government. Some of them I will agree with. Others I will not agree with. The long and the short of it all, though is that I have more important things in my life to care about than politics in general. The government has been screwing people out of their money before I came into this world, and they'll be screwing people out of their money after I leave. As long as my wife and I can still bring home enough to give our family a comfortable life, I don't care anymore.
I'm sure that my taxes one day will jump to 30% of my total income (they probably already have). I'm sure one day it'll reach 40%. One day, it may be 50%, who knows? Point is, I am pretty much powerless to do anything about it, and there's no use stressing about something I cannot change. All of my immediate elected representatives already agree with me.
So that's that. I may still follow what goes on in our federal government. It's nice to be in the know, you know? I will still need to make informed decisions when I vote. I will not, however, get bent out of shape over anything. Call me apathetic if you want...I just have better things to do.
I was sitting on the couch, and Cohen (9 months old as I type this) was on the floor. Kimberly and I were playing the "Where's Mommy?", "Where's Daddy?", "Where's C.C.?" game, which is kind of pointless now, as he has pretty much mastered it. Then, out of nowhere, he crawled up to the couch. He then pulled himself up, reached out, patted my leg, and said "Dada".
It was adorable. Nothing could have wiped the smile off my face. Of course, I thought it was a fluke, since he has lots of syllables he uses on what seems like an almost random basis (da da ma ma na na tha tha, etc.). He then got back down, crawled around for a minute, came back and did the exact same thing. After doing it a third and fourth time, I was convinced. The kid officially knows that I am dada now.
Now on to less important issues.
Barack "Foreign-Born-America-Hating-Muslim" Obama (please note the sarscam) gave his address to Congress last night. I'll tell you one thing...that guy can give one hell of a speech. In my opinion, if I believed that the words out of his mouth were true...if I believed that his plan would pan out in the fashion that he said it would, then I wouldn't even be concerned enough to write here. Truth is, I'm not really concerned anyway.
Here's the thing. I have my beliefs. You have yours. My dad and uncles have theirs (I know this because of the numerous emails they forward me...all of which I read...honest).
Congress is gonna do what they're gonna do. Will it change my life? Yeah, probably. Will it affect the way I lead my life? Probably not.
The correlation?
The correlation is this: How in the world am I going to allow myself to get all wrapped up and pissed off on a political level, when my kid knows that I'm "Dada"? It sounds silly, but indirectly, it's true. I have a kid who I love dearly. I have a niece and nephew. I will soon have more. If my kid is happy, if he's growing up and learning new things, if he turns into a decent adult one day who is self-sufficient, if I have the love of my family and friends, then why should I care about a room full of know-nothing yahoos in Washington who show their immaturity by whether or not they give a standing ovation or a hearty "harrumph" every third word of a speech?
Changes will be made in government. Some of them I will agree with. Others I will not agree with. The long and the short of it all, though is that I have more important things in my life to care about than politics in general. The government has been screwing people out of their money before I came into this world, and they'll be screwing people out of their money after I leave. As long as my wife and I can still bring home enough to give our family a comfortable life, I don't care anymore.
I'm sure that my taxes one day will jump to 30% of my total income (they probably already have). I'm sure one day it'll reach 40%. One day, it may be 50%, who knows? Point is, I am pretty much powerless to do anything about it, and there's no use stressing about something I cannot change. All of my immediate elected representatives already agree with me.
So that's that. I may still follow what goes on in our federal government. It's nice to be in the know, you know? I will still need to make informed decisions when I vote. I will not, however, get bent out of shape over anything. Call me apathetic if you want...I just have better things to do.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
All we hear is radio ga-ga
We have had the radio on Star 94 today at work (if you're not familiar, it's the pop "hit music" station here in Atlanta). As I type this, it is 4:43 pm. This is a real tally of songs I can remember hearing since 12:30.
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon - 4 times
Wanted - Jessie James - 4 times
I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas - 3 times
Second Chance - Shinedown 4 times
The Climb - Miley Cyrus - 3 times
Poker Face - Lady Gaga (no relation to the title of this entry) - 2 times
I've looked up run times on these songs, and at the quantities mentioned, they all add up to seventy-six minutes and fifty-seven seconds. That's almost an hour and seventeen minutes of the same six songs over a four hour and fifteen minute time span. They just pepper in a few of last month's hits along the way, so as to not make the listeners go completely insane.
Ridiculous.
Is this just Atlanta radio? Is it the same no matter where you go? I know this is just one radio station, but it doesn't matter what station you stop on. Go over to the rock station, and it's the same six rock songs over and over. Go to the hip hop station, and it's the same six hip hop songs over and over. Same with classic rock, country, and just about every genre that has a station devoted to it.
Are program directors not aware that albums actually have anywhere from ten to fifteen songs on them? I know that's not how radio works. I'm just saying it'd be nice if it was.
By the way, since I started typing, I've heard Second Chance by Shinedown and I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas again.
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon - 4 times
Wanted - Jessie James - 4 times
I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas - 3 times
Second Chance - Shinedown 4 times
The Climb - Miley Cyrus - 3 times
Poker Face - Lady Gaga (no relation to the title of this entry) - 2 times
I've looked up run times on these songs, and at the quantities mentioned, they all add up to seventy-six minutes and fifty-seven seconds. That's almost an hour and seventeen minutes of the same six songs over a four hour and fifteen minute time span. They just pepper in a few of last month's hits along the way, so as to not make the listeners go completely insane.
Ridiculous.
Is this just Atlanta radio? Is it the same no matter where you go? I know this is just one radio station, but it doesn't matter what station you stop on. Go over to the rock station, and it's the same six rock songs over and over. Go to the hip hop station, and it's the same six hip hop songs over and over. Same with classic rock, country, and just about every genre that has a station devoted to it.
Are program directors not aware that albums actually have anywhere from ten to fifteen songs on them? I know that's not how radio works. I'm just saying it'd be nice if it was.
By the way, since I started typing, I've heard Second Chance by Shinedown and I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas again.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Giant Ego Diminishes Braves Chance For Win (aka Hohn's a bum!)
No, the ego I'm referring to is not the ego of any Braves player. Last night in the 8th inning of the Braves-Marlins game in Miami, the Braves were down 6-3. Chipper Jones was standing on first (having been walked on 4 pitches), and Brian McCann was batting. This was a golden opportunity for the Braves to come within a run of the "Fightin' Fish". The first pitch to McCann was a ball. That's five straight balls pitched in a row. The second pitch was a foot outside...and called a strike. A strike? Brian obviously wasn't pleased with the call and muttered something to himself...never once looking back and addressing Bill Hohn, the home plate umpire. Hohn didn't like what he was hearing and removed his mask and stared McCann down for a few seconds. When it was obvious McCann wasn't going to take the bait, Hohn put his mask back on and settled back in behind the catcher.
The next pitch was even farther outside, and thankfully, it was called a ball. We are now at a 2-1 count. Finally, with that 2-1 count, the pitcher threw a bona fide strike. McCann then grounded into a 4-6-3 double-play.
You may think to yourself, "Well, that negates the bad strike call". To that, I would say you are mistaken. If the second pitch would have been called a ball (as it was), then McCann would have had a 3-0 count, and he would not have been swinging at the pitch that ultimately yielded the double-play.
McCann walked back into to the dugout and exclaimed to Bobby Cox, "It was this far outside!", holding his hands about a foot apart. Hohn apparently heard it...and didn't like it.
Rather than ignore the conversation that he wasn't a part of, Hohn took it upon himself to call time out, approach the dugout and lure someone out for a fight.
Bobby Cox, being the player-protector that he is, came out on behalf of McCann. He didn't yell. He didn't get in the face of the umpire. He simply told the umpire to "Just go call the game" (among other things that I couldn't decipher). In my opinion, Hohn had decided before he walked to the dugout that he was going to eject somebody. There were a few more things said, but again, nothing was yelled.
As Cox retreated back to the dugout, Hohn pulled his line-up cards out of his shirt pocket. This is an odd move. There was no reason to pull the line-up cards out. Referring to the cards is only necessary for substitutions and ejections. No one had been substituted, though. And at this point, no one had been ejected. Bobby Cox questioned the move, pointed at the cards, and immediately, Hohn ejected Cox. (This is Cox's world record 147th ejection).
End of story, right? Oh no.
As the Braves took the field before the bottom half of the inning, McCann was warming up behind the plate, as Hohn walked by. McCann asked Hohn "Can you at least admit you missed the call?".
This was apparently a bad move, as McCann was immediately ejected. Again, McCann wasn't beligerent. He wasn't yelling in the umpire's face. He technically wasn't really even arguing. He was just looking for some vindication...some closure...some satisfaction in knowing that the umpire can at least admit a mistake. No such luck, as McCann joined Cox in the bowels of LandShark stadium.
End of story, right? Oh no.
The 6-3 score held through the bottom of the 8th and the top of the 9th, thus solidifying the Marlins victory. The third out in the 9th inning was a Nate McLouth strike out. As McLouth tipped the ball into the catchers mitt for the third strike, the Marlins catcher then turned around and offered a little fist bump to Bill Hohn. Hohn returned the fist bump.
Completely unprofessional.
Hohn's a bum.
The next pitch was even farther outside, and thankfully, it was called a ball. We are now at a 2-1 count. Finally, with that 2-1 count, the pitcher threw a bona fide strike. McCann then grounded into a 4-6-3 double-play.
You may think to yourself, "Well, that negates the bad strike call". To that, I would say you are mistaken. If the second pitch would have been called a ball (as it was), then McCann would have had a 3-0 count, and he would not have been swinging at the pitch that ultimately yielded the double-play.
McCann walked back into to the dugout and exclaimed to Bobby Cox, "It was this far outside!", holding his hands about a foot apart. Hohn apparently heard it...and didn't like it.
Rather than ignore the conversation that he wasn't a part of, Hohn took it upon himself to call time out, approach the dugout and lure someone out for a fight.
Bobby Cox, being the player-protector that he is, came out on behalf of McCann. He didn't yell. He didn't get in the face of the umpire. He simply told the umpire to "Just go call the game" (among other things that I couldn't decipher). In my opinion, Hohn had decided before he walked to the dugout that he was going to eject somebody. There were a few more things said, but again, nothing was yelled.
As Cox retreated back to the dugout, Hohn pulled his line-up cards out of his shirt pocket. This is an odd move. There was no reason to pull the line-up cards out. Referring to the cards is only necessary for substitutions and ejections. No one had been substituted, though. And at this point, no one had been ejected. Bobby Cox questioned the move, pointed at the cards, and immediately, Hohn ejected Cox. (This is Cox's world record 147th ejection).
End of story, right? Oh no.
As the Braves took the field before the bottom half of the inning, McCann was warming up behind the plate, as Hohn walked by. McCann asked Hohn "Can you at least admit you missed the call?".
This was apparently a bad move, as McCann was immediately ejected. Again, McCann wasn't beligerent. He wasn't yelling in the umpire's face. He technically wasn't really even arguing. He was just looking for some vindication...some closure...some satisfaction in knowing that the umpire can at least admit a mistake. No such luck, as McCann joined Cox in the bowels of LandShark stadium.
End of story, right? Oh no.
The 6-3 score held through the bottom of the 8th and the top of the 9th, thus solidifying the Marlins victory. The third out in the 9th inning was a Nate McLouth strike out. As McLouth tipped the ball into the catchers mitt for the third strike, the Marlins catcher then turned around and offered a little fist bump to Bill Hohn. Hohn returned the fist bump.
Completely unprofessional.
Hohn's a bum.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Lost In Translation
"I am doing an experiment with this entry. I will take this paragraph and translate it through a number if different languages. I will then translate it back to English. I am curious to see if it will even be recognized as saying remotely the same thing that the original paragraph stated."
That paragraph was translated through the following languages:
Spanish (Mexican)
French
Chinese
Japanese
Italian
Greek.
This is the resulting paragraph:
"Slaughter of this I reflection [respect] from the first experience. This will be translated will postpone, sends this point of/to be packagings and to the group and to the language. And I am translated in support of englishes and to this. I have said that this is the paragraph of that case [one thing] on the principle that the curiosity that understandable is always it is not clear with a strong case because I. It is confirmed."
Well, I got the gist of it.
That paragraph was translated through the following languages:
Spanish (Mexican)
French
Chinese
Japanese
Italian
Greek.
This is the resulting paragraph:
"Slaughter of this I reflection [respect] from the first experience. This will be translated will postpone, sends this point of/to be packagings and to the group and to the language. And I am translated in support of englishes and to this. I have said that this is the paragraph of that case [one thing] on the principle that the curiosity that understandable is always it is not clear with a strong case because I. It is confirmed."
Well, I got the gist of it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Hey You Guys!
Dear Five Guys,
You are not good for me. You are also expensive. I think we should break up. I tried to tell you that yesterday. Actually, I was just going to drive by and not say anything, hoping you'd take the hint, but as I approached you, I remembered that you have tasty peanuts inside that I can eat while I wait for my order. Just when I think I'm strong enough to quit you, it's the peanuts that draw me back. Damn you, Five Guys.
Since I couldn't muster the courage to tell you in person yesterday that I'm leaving you, I'll take the coward's way out and tell you in a blog post. I'd love to say we can still be friends, but you and I both know that's not going to happen. I'll see you, and I'll lose my self control, and the next thing I know I'll wake up, not knowing what happened, with a ridiculous abundance of french fries and aluminum foil scattered around me. That's not the life I want for us, Five Guys.
Maybe I'll see you down the line one day, and it may be nice. For my sake, though, I hope it's not soon. I'm going to need some time to fully get over you and gain some closure. Until then, I wish you the best. I hope you don't harbor any hard feeling for me. I sure don't toward you. It just isn't working out between us.
You are not good for me. You are also expensive. I think we should break up. I tried to tell you that yesterday. Actually, I was just going to drive by and not say anything, hoping you'd take the hint, but as I approached you, I remembered that you have tasty peanuts inside that I can eat while I wait for my order. Just when I think I'm strong enough to quit you, it's the peanuts that draw me back. Damn you, Five Guys.
Since I couldn't muster the courage to tell you in person yesterday that I'm leaving you, I'll take the coward's way out and tell you in a blog post. I'd love to say we can still be friends, but you and I both know that's not going to happen. I'll see you, and I'll lose my self control, and the next thing I know I'll wake up, not knowing what happened, with a ridiculous abundance of french fries and aluminum foil scattered around me. That's not the life I want for us, Five Guys.
Maybe I'll see you down the line one day, and it may be nice. For my sake, though, I hope it's not soon. I'm going to need some time to fully get over you and gain some closure. Until then, I wish you the best. I hope you don't harbor any hard feeling for me. I sure don't toward you. It just isn't working out between us.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Double Standard!
You know those Papa John's commercials where "Papa John" himself delivers pizza? He'll show up at the customer's house, bring in the pizza, hang out for a little while. There's even one commercial where he throws a football out in the street with some guys.
If a real Papa John's delivery guy did that crap, he'd be fired.
If a real Papa John's delivery guy did that crap, he'd be fired.
Friday, June 19, 2009
"They found me...I don't know how, but they found me" - Dr. Emmett Brown
My bosses have been on vacation for the past two weeks. Included in my "make-sure-the-shop-doesn't-burn-down" responsibilities is the task of checking and keeping up with their emails. For some reason, Diane always receives a TON of those "I'm a nigerian prince, and I need to move $20,000,000 into the US, and if you help me, you get $19,000,000 of it" emails. In addition, she receives a number of "You've won $80,000" emails...so much so that if she actually received all the money she was promised, she'd be a multi-billionaire. As I was sifting through her inbox today deleting all of these emails, I ran across the following email. Usually, I just open them for a second to see what amount of money she has been promised this time before I delete it. Boy was I surprised at this one:
-----Original Message-----
From: MR. ALI ALI [mailto:aliman2100@yahoo.co.jp]
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 8:52 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: IT'S URGENT
ATTN.
LISTEN VERY CAREFUL, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN CONTACT YOU, MY TEAM HAS BEEN PAID TO ASSASINATE YOU, I HAVE EVERY REASON TO CARRY OUT THE CONTRACT, BUT I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE AND SAVE YOUR FAMILY THIS
PAIN, THIS YOUR ALTERNATIVE,I WISH TO HELP YOU UNLESS YOU DONT WANT TO HELP YOUR SELF, I WILL SEND YOU ENOUGH EVIDENCE YOU NEED ON A VIDEO TAPE RECORD TO NAIL MY EMPLOYER DOWN WITH THE LAW.
BEFORE THAT YOU'RE REQUIRED TO MAKE AVAILABLE THE SUM OF $70,000. USD, AFTER WHICH I WILL DIRECT YOU ON WHAT TO DO NEXT TO SAVE YOUR SELF AND YOUR FAMILY FROM THIS PAIN THAT WOULD HAVE BEFALLED YOU FROM MY EMPLOYER,THE MONEY WILL BE USED TO SETTLE THE TEAM MEN INVOLVED TO GO BACK TO THERE DESTINATIONS AND YOU BETTER KEEP THIS INFORMATION TO YOUR SELF BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW WHO IS WHO WHERE YOU ARE NOW,IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE BETRAYED HIM TRYING TO HELP YOU,YOU WILL HAVE YOUR SELF TO BLAME, I HAVE ORDERED MY MEN TO SATY AWAY FROM YOU.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL OR NOT?
NOTE: YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS HERE, (1) YOU HAVE TO GET HIM ARRESTED WITH THE INFORMATION I WILL GIVE YOU AFTER THE PAYMENT OR (2) YOU HAVE HIM KILLED TO SAVE YOUR SELF.
I WILL VISIT YOUR HOUSE AGAIN BUT NOT NOW, MY BOYS EYES ARE ON YOU SO
GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
First of all, maybe the reason the guy is a professional assassin is because he couldn't get a decent legitimate job because of his horrible grammar. Geez, man, use a period!
Next, if the guy's team has already been paid to kill my boss, then why will the $70,000 be used to get them back to their destinations? Also, I don't think you can actually go "back" to a destination, as destination really applies to the future. I mean, technically, if it's somewhere you've already been, and you're going there again, I suppose you'd be going back to your destination, but then...well, you know what I mean. Just a poor choice of words from our assassin.
Two options? Really? Just two? The options listed in the email are have the guy arrested or have the guy killed. How about a disguise? A moustache could go a long way. How about disappearing? If I have $70,000 to give a would-be killer, then it's likely that I have enough money to run off to remote location where I couldn't be found.
I tell you what...I have the craziest work place. From the homeless ladies sleeping behind the dumpster to the snakes that visit us on a regular basis to the billions of dollars we've won through email to the assassination plots. I can't say that I have a boring job.
-----Original Message-----
From: MR. ALI ALI [mailto:aliman2100@yahoo.co.jp]
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 8:52 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: IT'S URGENT
ATTN.
LISTEN VERY CAREFUL, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN CONTACT YOU, MY TEAM HAS BEEN PAID TO ASSASINATE YOU, I HAVE EVERY REASON TO CARRY OUT THE CONTRACT, BUT I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE AND SAVE YOUR FAMILY THIS
PAIN, THIS YOUR ALTERNATIVE,I WISH TO HELP YOU UNLESS YOU DONT WANT TO HELP YOUR SELF, I WILL SEND YOU ENOUGH EVIDENCE YOU NEED ON A VIDEO TAPE RECORD TO NAIL MY EMPLOYER DOWN WITH THE LAW.
BEFORE THAT YOU'RE REQUIRED TO MAKE AVAILABLE THE SUM OF $70,000. USD, AFTER WHICH I WILL DIRECT YOU ON WHAT TO DO NEXT TO SAVE YOUR SELF AND YOUR FAMILY FROM THIS PAIN THAT WOULD HAVE BEFALLED YOU FROM MY EMPLOYER,THE MONEY WILL BE USED TO SETTLE THE TEAM MEN INVOLVED TO GO BACK TO THERE DESTINATIONS AND YOU BETTER KEEP THIS INFORMATION TO YOUR SELF BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW WHO IS WHO WHERE YOU ARE NOW,IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE BETRAYED HIM TRYING TO HELP YOU,YOU WILL HAVE YOUR SELF TO BLAME, I HAVE ORDERED MY MEN TO SATY AWAY FROM YOU.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL OR NOT?
NOTE: YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS HERE, (1) YOU HAVE TO GET HIM ARRESTED WITH THE INFORMATION I WILL GIVE YOU AFTER THE PAYMENT OR (2) YOU HAVE HIM KILLED TO SAVE YOUR SELF.
I WILL VISIT YOUR HOUSE AGAIN BUT NOT NOW, MY BOYS EYES ARE ON YOU SO
GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
First of all, maybe the reason the guy is a professional assassin is because he couldn't get a decent legitimate job because of his horrible grammar. Geez, man, use a period!
Next, if the guy's team has already been paid to kill my boss, then why will the $70,000 be used to get them back to their destinations? Also, I don't think you can actually go "back" to a destination, as destination really applies to the future. I mean, technically, if it's somewhere you've already been, and you're going there again, I suppose you'd be going back to your destination, but then...well, you know what I mean. Just a poor choice of words from our assassin.
Two options? Really? Just two? The options listed in the email are have the guy arrested or have the guy killed. How about a disguise? A moustache could go a long way. How about disappearing? If I have $70,000 to give a would-be killer, then it's likely that I have enough money to run off to remote location where I couldn't be found.
I tell you what...I have the craziest work place. From the homeless ladies sleeping behind the dumpster to the snakes that visit us on a regular basis to the billions of dollars we've won through email to the assassination plots. I can't say that I have a boring job.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
So long, Tommy.
So...
The Braves released Tom Glavine yesterday. Didn't trade him...just flat released him. The 43-year-old has been playing for Atlanta since 1987 (with the exception of a 5 year stint with the Bravos most hated rival, but I digress). Obviously, everyone who is/was close to Glavine within the organization and throughout baseball is saying they're shocked, bewildered, and saddened. The fan reaction, however, has been a little more spread out through the emotional spectrum.
Some fans are sad to see him go. Some fans are willing to accept it, because this is a new Braves team, and we're looking toward the future with new pitchers Kris Medlen and Tommy Hanson. Still, some fans are still really mad about Glavine's spokesmanship for the Players' Union in the 1994 strike, his leaving for New York in 2003, and his holding out for a bigger contract before the 2009 season, and they think this is what he deserves.
I, like my tagline states at the top of this blog, am somewhere in the middle.
FROM A BASEBALL STANDPOINT
I'm somewhat of a baseball traditionalist, so I'm always sad to see an era end. I will be realistic about all this, however. Eras begin and they end. If Glavine stays, we don't have the opportunity to bring up Tommy Hanson. This is the first time in a while that the Braves have had a surplus of good starting pitching. Sorry, there just isn't enough room for everybody. Our current starters are Lowe, Jurrjens, Kawakami, Vasquez, Medlen, Reyes, Hanson, and Glavine (not to mention Tim Hudson, who's due back from injury any month now). That's eight (or nine) pitchers. A big-league starting rotation is 5 pitchers. It's just a simple matter of space.
You've got to stay with your best five, which in my opinion are: Lowe, Jurrjens, Kawakami, Vasquez, and Hanson (moving Medlen to the bullpen). Jo-Jo Reyes and Tom Glavine just don't make the cut. Yeah, it's sad, but hey, we want to win.
FROM A PERSONAL STANDPOINT
Since he left in 2003, I haven't really been what you'd call a Tom Glavine fan. His leaving was a bummer, but...
1. He went to the Braves' biggest rival (even though he never did that well against the Braves)
2. I have since learned (from "Built To Win", by John Schuerholz) that it was after an hours-long, bitter shouting match of a meeting that he decided to go.
When he came back for the 2008 season, a lot of people were thrilled, but I wasn't really sold. He was getting old, and I didn't really know if he had anything left. Sure enough, when he got injured, he was a mere 2-4 in thirteen starts.
There's the loyalty thing, I guess, but he's already shown that he's not really loyal to Braves fans, so why should we be loyal back?
To sum up, I'm not really happy to see him go, but at the same time, I'm not sad to see him go, either. I am shocked, though, that the Braves dropped him, just like that. I guess it shows that management is willing to make the tough calls in order to trim the fat and put a winning product out on the field. They also traded yesterday for an outfielder from Pittsburgh who is supposed to help us out offensively.
I'm not worried about Glavine...he supposedly still wants to pitch, and I'm sure he will. There are teams out there that are hurting for starting pitching. He'll get another shot.
The whole situation is surprising to say the least, but I really think it's a breath of fresh air. These are some of the changes necessary for the Braves to have a chance at the post-season this year.
The Braves released Tom Glavine yesterday. Didn't trade him...just flat released him. The 43-year-old has been playing for Atlanta since 1987 (with the exception of a 5 year stint with the Bravos most hated rival, but I digress). Obviously, everyone who is/was close to Glavine within the organization and throughout baseball is saying they're shocked, bewildered, and saddened. The fan reaction, however, has been a little more spread out through the emotional spectrum.
Some fans are sad to see him go. Some fans are willing to accept it, because this is a new Braves team, and we're looking toward the future with new pitchers Kris Medlen and Tommy Hanson. Still, some fans are still really mad about Glavine's spokesmanship for the Players' Union in the 1994 strike, his leaving for New York in 2003, and his holding out for a bigger contract before the 2009 season, and they think this is what he deserves.
I, like my tagline states at the top of this blog, am somewhere in the middle.
FROM A BASEBALL STANDPOINT
I'm somewhat of a baseball traditionalist, so I'm always sad to see an era end. I will be realistic about all this, however. Eras begin and they end. If Glavine stays, we don't have the opportunity to bring up Tommy Hanson. This is the first time in a while that the Braves have had a surplus of good starting pitching. Sorry, there just isn't enough room for everybody. Our current starters are Lowe, Jurrjens, Kawakami, Vasquez, Medlen, Reyes, Hanson, and Glavine (not to mention Tim Hudson, who's due back from injury any month now). That's eight (or nine) pitchers. A big-league starting rotation is 5 pitchers. It's just a simple matter of space.
You've got to stay with your best five, which in my opinion are: Lowe, Jurrjens, Kawakami, Vasquez, and Hanson (moving Medlen to the bullpen). Jo-Jo Reyes and Tom Glavine just don't make the cut. Yeah, it's sad, but hey, we want to win.
FROM A PERSONAL STANDPOINT
Since he left in 2003, I haven't really been what you'd call a Tom Glavine fan. His leaving was a bummer, but...
1. He went to the Braves' biggest rival (even though he never did that well against the Braves)
2. I have since learned (from "Built To Win", by John Schuerholz) that it was after an hours-long, bitter shouting match of a meeting that he decided to go.
When he came back for the 2008 season, a lot of people were thrilled, but I wasn't really sold. He was getting old, and I didn't really know if he had anything left. Sure enough, when he got injured, he was a mere 2-4 in thirteen starts.
There's the loyalty thing, I guess, but he's already shown that he's not really loyal to Braves fans, so why should we be loyal back?
To sum up, I'm not really happy to see him go, but at the same time, I'm not sad to see him go, either. I am shocked, though, that the Braves dropped him, just like that. I guess it shows that management is willing to make the tough calls in order to trim the fat and put a winning product out on the field. They also traded yesterday for an outfielder from Pittsburgh who is supposed to help us out offensively.
I'm not worried about Glavine...he supposedly still wants to pitch, and I'm sure he will. There are teams out there that are hurting for starting pitching. He'll get another shot.
The whole situation is surprising to say the least, but I really think it's a breath of fresh air. These are some of the changes necessary for the Braves to have a chance at the post-season this year.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
*Correction*
Last week, I posted a blog about The Learning Channel's "Jon and Kate Plus 8". I'd like to make two corrections to that entry:
1. Their last name is Gosselin, not Goselyn.
2. What I meant to say was "Psh! I don't watch that lame show!"
My apologies.
1. Their last name is Gosselin, not Goselyn.
2. What I meant to say was "Psh! I don't watch that lame show!"
My apologies.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Highlight of my day...
So my sign-buddy Nate was taking the trash out at work. He stuck his head in the door and said, "Hey, there's a big rat snake out by your car if you want to see it...
Psh, YEAH I wanna see it...
This thing was 5 feet long, easy. It was on the move until I came up to it, then it stopped for a photo-op. It was at this point that I realized that not only am I not afraid of snakes, I actually love them. It took all of my self control not to try and catch it. What I would have done once I caught it...I have no clue.
Psh, YEAH I wanna see it...
This thing was 5 feet long, easy. It was on the move until I came up to it, then it stopped for a photo-op. It was at this point that I realized that not only am I not afraid of snakes, I actually love them. It took all of my self control not to try and catch it. What I would have done once I caught it...I have no clue.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Who would have thought that my longest blog to date would be about Jon and Kate?
I'm pissed. I'm actually genuinely furious. About Jon and Kate Plus Eight.
Long story short, for those of you who happen to have been living under a rock, or *gasp* without cable for the past 3-4 years: Jon and Kate Goselyn have a set of twins and a set of sextuplets, totalling 8 kids (hence the name...get it?). They have had a show following the day-to-day schemanskies and goings-on of the crazy life they live. Everything has been all fine and dandy in Jon and Kate World for the past few years, and all of the sudden, their popularity has just about reached supersaturation, and nothing good can come out of this.
*What follows is partly true, partly my opinion...take it as you want, but it's not necessarily the gospel truth.
According to last night's episode (and all the tabloids), Jon is tired of doing the show. Kate has written a book and travels constantly promoting it. Jon apparently got stressed out with everything, went out and flirted with one or more young ladies. He claims that while he did not cheat on Kate, he absolutely used some poor judgment. She is putting this all on his shoulders. They both admit that they have no idea what the current status of their relationship is, and at least Kate (if not both of them) are considering that there could actually possible be a divorce involved.
Like I said...I'm pissed...and I'll break it down for you right here:
KATE
Kate needs to get over herself. She has eight children. Eight. What do you do when you have eight children who are all under the age of 10? YOU MAKE THEM YOUR PRIORITY. Sorry...you don't get to tour the country unless you're bringing the entire family along, and Lord knows they have the money to do that. She claims that she is away because of "obligations" to do this book tour. Nope, I'm not buying it. Your obligation is to your family. If your book-store-hopping is hindering your family. The tour should stop.
JON
Don't think that I'm taking his side because of how I feel about Kate. Jon, you're an idiot. You know good and damn well you have papparazzi following you everywhere you go. It makes no difference if you cheated, didn't cheat, or were going out to preach the gospel to these poor, lost, co-eds. Use your head. YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO YOUR FAMILY, AS WELL. Did you think that being photographed in public with one or more members of the opposite sex would be good for the home life?
PAPPARAZZI
Screw those guys.
THE LEARNING CHANNEL
They're eating this crap up. They love every minute of showing this family - a family that much of America has come to know and love - fall apart at the seams. As far as these TV executive types are concerned, this is RATINGS, RATINGS, RATINGS! It makes me sick. A responsible programming director (or whatever those people are called) would see that this is getting out of hand. They would make the decision to stop the cameras...if nothing else, just for a year or so...to let things air out. Let the family get back on their feet. But NOOOOO! We need to show this! America wants to see this family go through these struggles...which brings me to my next point...the big one:
SOCIETY IN GENERAL
When did we get to this point? When did watching a once loving family that is now crumbling apart become quality programming? What have we turned into?
I normally hate almost any kind of reality tv. I never really liked this show in particular. They are just a family, who happens to have a ton of kids. I never saw what the big deal was. What has impacted me so much recently, though, is the fact that this is not a sitcom. The writers can not make sure that despite the trials that this family trudges through, all will be well in the end. This is a real family. These are real children.
Here's what it all boils down to. When I was 16, my parents almost got divorced. They ended up deciding that they could, and would, work together to avoid that. I'm really glad they did, but I still find myself asking today - 13 years later - "Did they just do that for me, my brother, and my sister?" "Do they actually hate each other now, but are just tolerating each other just to make it convenient for everyone else?" I really think the answer to both of those questions is no, but the thought will always be in the back of my mind. If they had worked this out in private; if they had never brought it to our attention, then we'd never even know about it today, and these doubts wouldn't exist.
That's what bugs me about Jon and Kate. Given all the bad choices that were made, if they found a way to make it work; if they worked through their problems in private without airing them out for the entire world to see, things could potentially be better. Their kids may never have to know that this conflict ever happened. They wouldn't have to grow up with the same doubt that haunts me from time to time. Jon said it best in last night's episode "One day my kids are going to Google me".
All of this could have been avoided if:
1. Kate didn't put this pressure on Jon and her family
2. Jon didn't cave under said pressure and go out and make bad choices
3. The network had a soul
4. The American public didn't stick its nose into the lives of normal families via Reality TV and Papparazzi.
I'm pissed.
Long story short, for those of you who happen to have been living under a rock, or *gasp* without cable for the past 3-4 years: Jon and Kate Goselyn have a set of twins and a set of sextuplets, totalling 8 kids (hence the name...get it?). They have had a show following the day-to-day schemanskies and goings-on of the crazy life they live. Everything has been all fine and dandy in Jon and Kate World for the past few years, and all of the sudden, their popularity has just about reached supersaturation, and nothing good can come out of this.
*What follows is partly true, partly my opinion...take it as you want, but it's not necessarily the gospel truth.
According to last night's episode (and all the tabloids), Jon is tired of doing the show. Kate has written a book and travels constantly promoting it. Jon apparently got stressed out with everything, went out and flirted with one or more young ladies. He claims that while he did not cheat on Kate, he absolutely used some poor judgment. She is putting this all on his shoulders. They both admit that they have no idea what the current status of their relationship is, and at least Kate (if not both of them) are considering that there could actually possible be a divorce involved.
Like I said...I'm pissed...and I'll break it down for you right here:
KATE
Kate needs to get over herself. She has eight children. Eight. What do you do when you have eight children who are all under the age of 10? YOU MAKE THEM YOUR PRIORITY. Sorry...you don't get to tour the country unless you're bringing the entire family along, and Lord knows they have the money to do that. She claims that she is away because of "obligations" to do this book tour. Nope, I'm not buying it. Your obligation is to your family. If your book-store-hopping is hindering your family. The tour should stop.
JON
Don't think that I'm taking his side because of how I feel about Kate. Jon, you're an idiot. You know good and damn well you have papparazzi following you everywhere you go. It makes no difference if you cheated, didn't cheat, or were going out to preach the gospel to these poor, lost, co-eds. Use your head. YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO YOUR FAMILY, AS WELL. Did you think that being photographed in public with one or more members of the opposite sex would be good for the home life?
PAPPARAZZI
Screw those guys.
THE LEARNING CHANNEL
They're eating this crap up. They love every minute of showing this family - a family that much of America has come to know and love - fall apart at the seams. As far as these TV executive types are concerned, this is RATINGS, RATINGS, RATINGS! It makes me sick. A responsible programming director (or whatever those people are called) would see that this is getting out of hand. They would make the decision to stop the cameras...if nothing else, just for a year or so...to let things air out. Let the family get back on their feet. But NOOOOO! We need to show this! America wants to see this family go through these struggles...which brings me to my next point...the big one:
SOCIETY IN GENERAL
When did we get to this point? When did watching a once loving family that is now crumbling apart become quality programming? What have we turned into?
I normally hate almost any kind of reality tv. I never really liked this show in particular. They are just a family, who happens to have a ton of kids. I never saw what the big deal was. What has impacted me so much recently, though, is the fact that this is not a sitcom. The writers can not make sure that despite the trials that this family trudges through, all will be well in the end. This is a real family. These are real children.
Here's what it all boils down to. When I was 16, my parents almost got divorced. They ended up deciding that they could, and would, work together to avoid that. I'm really glad they did, but I still find myself asking today - 13 years later - "Did they just do that for me, my brother, and my sister?" "Do they actually hate each other now, but are just tolerating each other just to make it convenient for everyone else?" I really think the answer to both of those questions is no, but the thought will always be in the back of my mind. If they had worked this out in private; if they had never brought it to our attention, then we'd never even know about it today, and these doubts wouldn't exist.
That's what bugs me about Jon and Kate. Given all the bad choices that were made, if they found a way to make it work; if they worked through their problems in private without airing them out for the entire world to see, things could potentially be better. Their kids may never have to know that this conflict ever happened. They wouldn't have to grow up with the same doubt that haunts me from time to time. Jon said it best in last night's episode "One day my kids are going to Google me".
All of this could have been avoided if:
1. Kate didn't put this pressure on Jon and her family
2. Jon didn't cave under said pressure and go out and make bad choices
3. The network had a soul
4. The American public didn't stick its nose into the lives of normal families via Reality TV and Papparazzi.
I'm pissed.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
There's a commercial out now for Liquid-Plumr "Foaming Pipe Snake" that says, "What do you get when you mix the power of Liquid-Plumr with the technology of the future?". It is my contention that once we have the technology...it is no longer the technology of the future.
You know the Ocean Spray commercials with the two guys standing in a bog where evidently millions of cranberries are growing. That looks fun as crap. I'd love to jump in, swim, and play in something like that. It looks like a giant ball pit...that you can eat.
For some reason, my skin crawls every time I see a girl refer to another girl as "girl". For example: "Girl, you look good for just having had a baby!", or "Girl, you know Jon's just staying with Kate for the money". Any time I see a comment that starts with the word "girl" followed by a comma, it makes me want to slap someone's sister. Not my sister, though.
When I was going to sleep last night, in my halfway-between-awake-and-asleep phase, it was like my brain was scrolling through thoughts and statements trying to find a jumping-off point for a dream, and the following three questions floated through my mind in this order: "Are you kidding me?", "Will you answer the phone?", "Do you have hair in your mouth?". I heard them in female voices...almost like two females were talking to each other. It jolted me out of my snooze and I had to start over in the going to sleep process.
It just occurred to me that I have no idea how my sister would react if I slapped her.
You know the Ocean Spray commercials with the two guys standing in a bog where evidently millions of cranberries are growing. That looks fun as crap. I'd love to jump in, swim, and play in something like that. It looks like a giant ball pit...that you can eat.
For some reason, my skin crawls every time I see a girl refer to another girl as "girl". For example: "Girl, you look good for just having had a baby!", or "Girl, you know Jon's just staying with Kate for the money". Any time I see a comment that starts with the word "girl" followed by a comma, it makes me want to slap someone's sister. Not my sister, though.
When I was going to sleep last night, in my halfway-between-awake-and-asleep phase, it was like my brain was scrolling through thoughts and statements trying to find a jumping-off point for a dream, and the following three questions floated through my mind in this order: "Are you kidding me?", "Will you answer the phone?", "Do you have hair in your mouth?". I heard them in female voices...almost like two females were talking to each other. It jolted me out of my snooze and I had to start over in the going to sleep process.
It just occurred to me that I have no idea how my sister would react if I slapped her.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
They paved paradise and put up a test of social common courtesy
Occasionally, I don't feel like making the 10 minute drive home from work to have lunch, and I treat myself to drive-thru, sit in a parking lot, and listen to sports talk radio. I'm sure lots of you do the same (without all the sports). Anyway, as I sat in the parking lot today, I noticed a number of "parking lot fouls", and it really bugged me. Therfore, I will now post a list of p's and q's as far as I see it for proper parking lot behavior.
Danny Danger's Straight-Up Parking Lot Etiquette
1. If there are other spaces available, there's no need to sit and wait for a car to pull out of a closer parking space and take that one. I've seen it a million times. While some lady loads her baby, her toddler, and her shopping cart full of groceries into her minivan, someone else is sitting there in their car, blocking the lane, just to get the close space when said minivan leaves. When I see this, I go ahead and park a little farther back. I'm usually in the store before the waiting driver has even occupied his/her prime spot. I'm a pretty big guy who doesn't really like to excercise all that much, but even I can handle walking an extra 20-30 feet.
2. If you're walking across a parking lot lane, and someone in a car is waiting for you to cross, do it quickly. Come on. If a driver is nice enough to let you cross in front of them, don't waste their time by walking slowly. When I'm crossing in front of a car - even in a pedestrian crosswalk, where I have the right of way - I do it with a quickness. Heck, I even give the token "thank-you" wave. It's called being nice. I recommend it.
3. When walking to/from the store from/to your car, walk on the side of the lane, not in the middle of it. Really? You're walking through a parking lot, and you're going to stroll right down the middle of the lane? The drivers you're holding up really appreciate that.
4. You drive one car. Park in one space. The parking lot where I work is almost always empty. The lot has room for 64 cars, but there are never more than 5 or 6 in the lot at a time. About a week ago, some yahoo parked across three spaces. Sure he had the freedom to do so...he wasn't preventing someone else from having space to park. Still it didn't change the fact that it made him look like a total jerk. Had he just taken one of the three spaces, I wouldn't hate his guts today.
5. PUT YOUR SHOPPING CARTS WHERE THEY BELONG! This is a big one...probably the biggest one in my book. You know that guy that has to come out and collect all the carts? He doesn't get paid very much. Why are you going to make his job even more miserable by forcing him to trek all over creation to get the cart that you were too lazy to put in the corral? This holds true especially for this time of year. Summer's coming. It will be getting really hot outside soon. In addition, carts that are left in the parking lot usually end up rolling into open spaces, rendering them unusable, or worse, they roll into other cars. How many dings do you have in the side of your car from people not putting their carts away? Personally, I feel a sense of satisfaction when I put the cart in the corral where it belongs. You know what feels even better? Taking it all the way back into the store. That's courtesy, homes.
Basically, it all boils down to one general tenet. Don't be an a-hole. The nicer you are, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the better your life is. It's all about the golden rule.
SPECIAL ADDED BONUS MATERIAL
Nate, my sign-buddy, added another rule that I previously hadn't thought of. It's a good rule, though, so it needs to be said.
6. Unless it's water, don't empty your cup by your car door. Nobody needs to step in your sticky cola residue. The same applies with gum, candy, or really any trash in general. If you look around, I'm SURE you're going to find a trash can somewhere. If you REALLY need to get that drink out of your cup...like RIGHT NOW, there is likely an island with some nice grass or pine straw closeby. Otherwise...just wait till you get home. Pour it out in the sink.
Plus, it attracts ants. You know how I feel about ants.
Danny Danger's Straight-Up Parking Lot Etiquette
1. If there are other spaces available, there's no need to sit and wait for a car to pull out of a closer parking space and take that one. I've seen it a million times. While some lady loads her baby, her toddler, and her shopping cart full of groceries into her minivan, someone else is sitting there in their car, blocking the lane, just to get the close space when said minivan leaves. When I see this, I go ahead and park a little farther back. I'm usually in the store before the waiting driver has even occupied his/her prime spot. I'm a pretty big guy who doesn't really like to excercise all that much, but even I can handle walking an extra 20-30 feet.
2. If you're walking across a parking lot lane, and someone in a car is waiting for you to cross, do it quickly. Come on. If a driver is nice enough to let you cross in front of them, don't waste their time by walking slowly. When I'm crossing in front of a car - even in a pedestrian crosswalk, where I have the right of way - I do it with a quickness. Heck, I even give the token "thank-you" wave. It's called being nice. I recommend it.
3. When walking to/from the store from/to your car, walk on the side of the lane, not in the middle of it. Really? You're walking through a parking lot, and you're going to stroll right down the middle of the lane? The drivers you're holding up really appreciate that.
4. You drive one car. Park in one space. The parking lot where I work is almost always empty. The lot has room for 64 cars, but there are never more than 5 or 6 in the lot at a time. About a week ago, some yahoo parked across three spaces. Sure he had the freedom to do so...he wasn't preventing someone else from having space to park. Still it didn't change the fact that it made him look like a total jerk. Had he just taken one of the three spaces, I wouldn't hate his guts today.
5. PUT YOUR SHOPPING CARTS WHERE THEY BELONG! This is a big one...probably the biggest one in my book. You know that guy that has to come out and collect all the carts? He doesn't get paid very much. Why are you going to make his job even more miserable by forcing him to trek all over creation to get the cart that you were too lazy to put in the corral? This holds true especially for this time of year. Summer's coming. It will be getting really hot outside soon. In addition, carts that are left in the parking lot usually end up rolling into open spaces, rendering them unusable, or worse, they roll into other cars. How many dings do you have in the side of your car from people not putting their carts away? Personally, I feel a sense of satisfaction when I put the cart in the corral where it belongs. You know what feels even better? Taking it all the way back into the store. That's courtesy, homes.
Basically, it all boils down to one general tenet. Don't be an a-hole. The nicer you are, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the better your life is. It's all about the golden rule.
SPECIAL ADDED BONUS MATERIAL
Nate, my sign-buddy, added another rule that I previously hadn't thought of. It's a good rule, though, so it needs to be said.
6. Unless it's water, don't empty your cup by your car door. Nobody needs to step in your sticky cola residue. The same applies with gum, candy, or really any trash in general. If you look around, I'm SURE you're going to find a trash can somewhere. If you REALLY need to get that drink out of your cup...like RIGHT NOW, there is likely an island with some nice grass or pine straw closeby. Otherwise...just wait till you get home. Pour it out in the sink.
Plus, it attracts ants. You know how I feel about ants.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
This is the kind of stuff I think about on my free time.
There is a self-promoting commercial or SportSouth, Fox SportsNet, Fox SportSouth, or whatever the station is that carries a number of Braves games. It features some country band singing a song about the Braves, whist showing highlights of the team in action. The lyrics are as follows:
Load up the bases
Fire up the crowd
Here come the Braves
We're gonna get real loud
Throw me a fastball
Smoltz on the mound
I'm gonna end this thing in just one swing
I'm gonna knock one out
Now, the first verse is a little cheesy, but at least it makes sense. It implies that the Braves are batting with the bases loaded. Great. It's the second verse that I take issue with. Note that this song was written over a year ago, when John Smoltz was still a member of the Atlanta Braves. If this was the case, then why would you want to hit a game-ending home run off of John Smoltz? He's on your team! It could be easily fixed by saying "throw him a fastball...Smoltz on the mound...gonna end this thing in just three swings...we're gonna strike him out", or something like that. By the way...there's a reason I don't write songs. And that was it.
The thing is this, though. Even if you wanted to keep lyrics that are inaccurate to the situation, but still sound catchy (which is a matter of opinion, by the way...I don't really think it's catchy, but apparently some marketing people or focus groups or somebody seems to think it is), then at least spend the money to dub in the name of a player who is actually still on the team. Lowe's on the mound. Jair's on the mound. Kenshin Kawakami's on the mound. It's really embarassing as a Braves fan to have an outdated marketing song that uses the name of a player who isn't even on the squad anymore.
But maybe they wanted to keep it that way. Maybe they said "Now that John Smoltz is gone, we can use this song, and the lyrics will actually make sense now that he plays for the Red Sox". Well, that's all fine and good, but now the problem is that the song is specifically aimed at one opponent...the Red Sox. In 2009, it makes sense to want to hit a walk-off home run off John Smoltz. Why then would they play the song, say, last night? The Braves played the Nationals last night. More specifically, they faced Nationals starting pitcher John Lannan. I'm sorry, but John Smoltz playing for the Red Sox has nothing to do with John Lannan facing the Braves.
What I'm really saying here is that the Braves should hire me. To do anything. Seriously. Anything at all.
Load up the bases
Fire up the crowd
Here come the Braves
We're gonna get real loud
Throw me a fastball
Smoltz on the mound
I'm gonna end this thing in just one swing
I'm gonna knock one out
Now, the first verse is a little cheesy, but at least it makes sense. It implies that the Braves are batting with the bases loaded. Great. It's the second verse that I take issue with. Note that this song was written over a year ago, when John Smoltz was still a member of the Atlanta Braves. If this was the case, then why would you want to hit a game-ending home run off of John Smoltz? He's on your team! It could be easily fixed by saying "throw him a fastball...Smoltz on the mound...gonna end this thing in just three swings...we're gonna strike him out", or something like that. By the way...there's a reason I don't write songs. And that was it.
The thing is this, though. Even if you wanted to keep lyrics that are inaccurate to the situation, but still sound catchy (which is a matter of opinion, by the way...I don't really think it's catchy, but apparently some marketing people or focus groups or somebody seems to think it is), then at least spend the money to dub in the name of a player who is actually still on the team. Lowe's on the mound. Jair's on the mound. Kenshin Kawakami's on the mound. It's really embarassing as a Braves fan to have an outdated marketing song that uses the name of a player who isn't even on the squad anymore.
But maybe they wanted to keep it that way. Maybe they said "Now that John Smoltz is gone, we can use this song, and the lyrics will actually make sense now that he plays for the Red Sox". Well, that's all fine and good, but now the problem is that the song is specifically aimed at one opponent...the Red Sox. In 2009, it makes sense to want to hit a walk-off home run off John Smoltz. Why then would they play the song, say, last night? The Braves played the Nationals last night. More specifically, they faced Nationals starting pitcher John Lannan. I'm sorry, but John Smoltz playing for the Red Sox has nothing to do with John Lannan facing the Braves.
What I'm really saying here is that the Braves should hire me. To do anything. Seriously. Anything at all.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Dang.
I've been to 5 Guys Burgers & Fries before. Their burgers (although they're too big - even for me) are seriously amazing. The fries (although they give you ENTIRELY too many) are really good, too. What I had no idea about, though was that they also have hot dogs. I tried one. It was so good that words will not explain the euphoria I felt as I ate it.
But that won't stop me from trying.
Man, this was an amazing hot dog. It was not just the best hot dog I've ever had. It was not only probably the best meat-and-bread combination I've ever had. It was quite possibly the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. My particular hot dog was garnished with bacon and cheese (What makes meat better? More meat and some cheese.) split in two, and grilled.
I had my first one on Monday. Since I couldn't make it home for lunch today, I decided to treat myself again. As I bit into this hot dog, my first words were "This is so good, I wanna blog about it".
The Five Guys Bacon Cheese Hot Dog is a precious gift from God.
It was like my mouth did something really good - I mean something really, really good, like saving a baby from a burning building - and this was the reward.
It was so good that I wanted to puke it out so I could eat it agian.
All of the previous words almost described the soul-satisfying experience of eating a Five Guys dog.
But that won't stop me from trying.
Man, this was an amazing hot dog. It was not just the best hot dog I've ever had. It was not only probably the best meat-and-bread combination I've ever had. It was quite possibly the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. My particular hot dog was garnished with bacon and cheese (What makes meat better? More meat and some cheese.) split in two, and grilled.
I had my first one on Monday. Since I couldn't make it home for lunch today, I decided to treat myself again. As I bit into this hot dog, my first words were "This is so good, I wanna blog about it".
The Five Guys Bacon Cheese Hot Dog is a precious gift from God.
It was like my mouth did something really good - I mean something really, really good, like saving a baby from a burning building - and this was the reward.
It was so good that I wanted to puke it out so I could eat it agian.
All of the previous words almost described the soul-satisfying experience of eating a Five Guys dog.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
A friend of mine (that I made just a week ago) asked me tonight if having a baby changes everything. Immediately, my answer was a resounding YES. Because of other conversations in the vicinity, though, I didn't really have a chance to elaborate, and I've been thinking about it ever since. What I've come up with though, is that while there are definitely a lot of changes, not necessarily everything has changed. That having been said, I've decided to compile a list of "Changes and Not-Changes" that I've found about having a kid.
CHANGES
I now go to bed at the same time as Kimberly and Cohen every night. This is usually at 10:00. It's not really something that I'm made to do...it's just more convenient. There are a few exceptions here and there (for instance, tonight), but for the most part, I'm ready for bed by then anyway.
My 10 minute morning commute is now an hour and a half commute. This, of course, is because I now take the kid to my parents' house every day, since Kimberly and I still both work full-time.
We don't go out as much as we used to. Naturally. Not that we went out a lot before...it's just less now that it was even then.
We utilize the DVR way more than we used to. Making it through a full thirty-minute show isn't nearly as easy as it once was. Thank goodness we can now pause (around 8:00 every night for bath time), rewind (to go back over what we missed when he was fussy), and record those shows that come on at ten, after we've gone to bed.
At this point, I must note that not all the changes are bad. There are positive changes, too.
For example:
I don't have the same sensitive gag reflex I once had. It's still sensitive, but now I can handle a poopy diaper with ease. Long ago, before I had my own kid, I changed my nephew's wet diaper once. Wet...that's it...and I dry-heaved like a sonofagun. The smell of puke (yeah, baby puke still smells like regular puke) doesn't get me nearly as much as it once did, either.
No matter what happens, my mood can instantly be made better by seeing the kid smile. I never would have guessed that seeing one smile from a kid could do a one-eighty on my psycological well-being, but it's true.
Family Rap Dancin' time is great. Cohen has some pretty sweet moves. He had the "One-Legged-Shuffle", and he has now graduated to "walking it out".
NOT-CHANGES
I still listen to the same stuff in the car that I once did (Granted, this will probably change once he's old enough to understand the English language)
I still make it out to play hockey with the dudes every Saturday morning.
Honestly, I don't think my personality has changed all that much. Sure, I've thrown in some goo-goos and ga-gas for his entertainment's sake, but as far as I can tell, I can still carry on the same adult conversations as I once did. I talk about him a lot, but I don't think he dominates my daily dialog. I can still carry on conversations about life, work, the Braves, etc. Sometimes I catch myself talking about him too much, and when I do, I usually try and change the subject. I am aware that not everyone wants to hear about my kid all the time. If you should ever notice me not shutting up about my kid, please bear with me...before long, I'll notice and stop. Other than that, I really feel like the same dude.
So there you have it. If you would have asked me three months ago if having a baby is fun and cool, I would have said yes, but I would have been saying it through clinched teeth and a fake smile. Ask me again today, and I'll say yes again...but this time I'll really mean it.
CHANGES
I now go to bed at the same time as Kimberly and Cohen every night. This is usually at 10:00. It's not really something that I'm made to do...it's just more convenient. There are a few exceptions here and there (for instance, tonight), but for the most part, I'm ready for bed by then anyway.
My 10 minute morning commute is now an hour and a half commute. This, of course, is because I now take the kid to my parents' house every day, since Kimberly and I still both work full-time.
We don't go out as much as we used to. Naturally. Not that we went out a lot before...it's just less now that it was even then.
We utilize the DVR way more than we used to. Making it through a full thirty-minute show isn't nearly as easy as it once was. Thank goodness we can now pause (around 8:00 every night for bath time), rewind (to go back over what we missed when he was fussy), and record those shows that come on at ten, after we've gone to bed.
At this point, I must note that not all the changes are bad. There are positive changes, too.
For example:
I don't have the same sensitive gag reflex I once had. It's still sensitive, but now I can handle a poopy diaper with ease. Long ago, before I had my own kid, I changed my nephew's wet diaper once. Wet...that's it...and I dry-heaved like a sonofagun. The smell of puke (yeah, baby puke still smells like regular puke) doesn't get me nearly as much as it once did, either.
No matter what happens, my mood can instantly be made better by seeing the kid smile. I never would have guessed that seeing one smile from a kid could do a one-eighty on my psycological well-being, but it's true.
Family Rap Dancin' time is great. Cohen has some pretty sweet moves. He had the "One-Legged-Shuffle", and he has now graduated to "walking it out".
NOT-CHANGES
I still listen to the same stuff in the car that I once did (Granted, this will probably change once he's old enough to understand the English language)
I still make it out to play hockey with the dudes every Saturday morning.
Honestly, I don't think my personality has changed all that much. Sure, I've thrown in some goo-goos and ga-gas for his entertainment's sake, but as far as I can tell, I can still carry on the same adult conversations as I once did. I talk about him a lot, but I don't think he dominates my daily dialog. I can still carry on conversations about life, work, the Braves, etc. Sometimes I catch myself talking about him too much, and when I do, I usually try and change the subject. I am aware that not everyone wants to hear about my kid all the time. If you should ever notice me not shutting up about my kid, please bear with me...before long, I'll notice and stop. Other than that, I really feel like the same dude.
So there you have it. If you would have asked me three months ago if having a baby is fun and cool, I would have said yes, but I would have been saying it through clinched teeth and a fake smile. Ask me again today, and I'll say yes again...but this time I'll really mean it.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Opening Night!
Christmas Day is my favorite day of the year. My birthday probably comes in at a close second. Not too far behind that...Opening Day (or in this case, Opening Night).
My beloved Braves opened against division rivals and World Champions, the Philadelphia Phillies. I'll try not to bore you with too much baseball...I'll just give you the highlights.
First inning, Chipper singles, then McCann homers to give the Braves a 2-run lead.
Second inning, Francouer homers on the first pitch he sees. Rookie Jordan Schafer homers in his first at-bat of his major league career. It is now 4-0, Braves.
Things are looking really nice at this point.
Fast forward through six more innings of pitching gold by first year Brave Derek Lowe, and we hit the end of the eighth. I'm still hanging in there (albeit a little tired). Cohen, on the other hand, fell asleep around the 4th inning.
For the ninth inning, the Braves apparently decided that pitch-counts must be more important than the inspirational exhilaration of an Opening Night, complete game, 2-hit shutout. They pulled Lowe out, despite his dominating performance. Maybe they wanted to show the world that they have faith in their bullpen for 2009. Either way, it almost didn't work out for my guys. Mike Gonzalez sure made it interesting enough, giving up a run and four hits before finally striking out two in a row to win the game.
Overall, if tonight was any indication, then redemption is on the menu for the Braves this season. They looked like a team on a mission, and I think, all bias aside (well, mostly aside), the Braves have a viable chance of making it to the post-season for the first time since 2005.
Let's do it again tomorrow! And almost every day until October is over!
And, go Braves.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Things and Items
You know those cleaners that claim to kill 99.9% of all bacteria? When I use those, I just use a little more than I should, so as to kill all the bacteria.
Isn't any time the time of your life?
Cohen farts all the time. What I don't understand though, is that the amount of air is less, and it's coming out of smaller intestines and through a smaller butthole - and it still makes the loud, deep sound that a full-sized, adult, grown-up fart makes.
He also recently learned how to roll over, which is pretty cool. He hates to be on his belly, though. He just rolls over, then starts crying because he's on his belly. Then, we put him back on his back. Then he rolls back over on his belly again and starts crying again. It's an endless cycle. I think if he would just learn to stand and walk, then all of this can be avoided.
I often look forward to going home from work, so I can go home and join in on "Family Kitchen Rap Dancin' Time". It's a pretty awesome (D&K)Dorris* family tradition that was started a few years ago and is only made more fun by the fact that there's now a baby to join in the fun.
Over the past year or two, I have developed a (what could be unhealthy) fascination/infatuation with Mos Def. Before I knew his music, I knew his acting (and his performances on "Russel Simmons' Def Poetry Jam, which I like, probably more than I should), but I had never heard his music. Over the last year, I've picked up a couple of his CD's, though, and I have to admit...they're pretty awesome, too. This week he guest-starred on House, and it made my night.
After I left my last post (on April 1st), I narrowly avoided what could have been two very serious car wrecks. I guess that's what I get.
* I had to specify that the tradition is a (D&K)Dorris family tradition because there are now multiple (insertinitialshere)Dorris' around, such as the (G&S)Dorris family and the (B&C)Dorris family. I fear that just saying "Dorris family tradition" will be misleading or confusing in the future, and it troubles me.
Isn't any time the time of your life?
Cohen farts all the time. What I don't understand though, is that the amount of air is less, and it's coming out of smaller intestines and through a smaller butthole - and it still makes the loud, deep sound that a full-sized, adult, grown-up fart makes.
He also recently learned how to roll over, which is pretty cool. He hates to be on his belly, though. He just rolls over, then starts crying because he's on his belly. Then, we put him back on his back. Then he rolls back over on his belly again and starts crying again. It's an endless cycle. I think if he would just learn to stand and walk, then all of this can be avoided.
I often look forward to going home from work, so I can go home and join in on "Family Kitchen Rap Dancin' Time". It's a pretty awesome (D&K)Dorris* family tradition that was started a few years ago and is only made more fun by the fact that there's now a baby to join in the fun.
Over the past year or two, I have developed a (what could be unhealthy) fascination/infatuation with Mos Def. Before I knew his music, I knew his acting (and his performances on "Russel Simmons' Def Poetry Jam, which I like, probably more than I should), but I had never heard his music. Over the last year, I've picked up a couple of his CD's, though, and I have to admit...they're pretty awesome, too. This week he guest-starred on House, and it made my night.
After I left my last post (on April 1st), I narrowly avoided what could have been two very serious car wrecks. I guess that's what I get.
* I had to specify that the tradition is a (D&K)Dorris family tradition because there are now multiple (insertinitialshere)Dorris' around, such as the (G&S)Dorris family and the (B&C)Dorris family. I fear that just saying "Dorris family tradition" will be misleading or confusing in the future, and it troubles me.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Right-Round, Baby, Right-Round
Today started off like any other day. I got up this morning and took Cohen to my parents' house. Before I left their house to go to work, my dad and I noticed that my tires are in TERRIBLE shape. I knew they were bad, but I had no idea that the metal weave part of the inside was exposed (I'm sure that stuff has a name, but I don't know what it is).
Anyway, I knew it was time to get new tires, and my plan was to do it at lunch.
Well, that was the plan.
Some of you may know the access road one can take from the Pleasant Hill exit, up 85 North. There are multiple opportunities to exit and get on to 85 (or "the 85", as some of my friends from California may call it), or if you want, you can just stay on the access road for a long time, skipping any potential traffic on the interstate (or "the freeway", as some of my friends form California may call it). That's what I do every morning. I just stay on that road until the last opportunity to get on the freeway 85. That decision very well may have saved my life this morning.
Somewhere between the Hwy 120 exit and the Sugarloaf exit is where it happened. Oh, I didn't mention...it was raining this morning. I hit the tiniest of puddles, and away I went. First, my car turned right. It was still moving straight, mind you, the car was just turned and oriented right. I eased off the gas, trying not to hit the brakes, and I cut my wheels left to try and correct it. Oh, i went left alright. This time, not only did the orientation of my car turn left, but my direction did, too. Right into the wall.
I was kind of at a diagonal to the wall when I hit it, but it the wall caught just the front of my right-front corner and put me into a spin. I don't know if it was 1 full spin or if it was 2. When I finally came to a stop after what seemed like 30 full seconds of spinning, I just sat there, bewildered, hands shaking too much to even fumble for my phone at first. Thankfully, I was on the uncrowded access road, and there weren't many other cars around. Had I been on 85, I would have definitely hit someone, should I have encountered a puddle like that, and the damage would have likely been bodily, rather than just automobile-um-ically.
Long and the short...I'm okay. My car is a different story, however. I filed a police report for insurance purposes, had the car towed, and my boss came and picked me up, and basically, this is where my story falls apart, because it isn't true, and I'm not that creative. Today is in fact the first day of the fourth month of the year, and I just thought I had to do something to honor it.
Anyway, I knew it was time to get new tires, and my plan was to do it at lunch.
Well, that was the plan.
Some of you may know the access road one can take from the Pleasant Hill exit, up 85 North. There are multiple opportunities to exit and get on to 85 (or "the 85", as some of my friends from California may call it), or if you want, you can just stay on the access road for a long time, skipping any potential traffic on the interstate (or "the freeway", as some of my friends form California may call it). That's what I do every morning. I just stay on that road until the last opportunity to get on the freeway 85. That decision very well may have saved my life this morning.
Somewhere between the Hwy 120 exit and the Sugarloaf exit is where it happened. Oh, I didn't mention...it was raining this morning. I hit the tiniest of puddles, and away I went. First, my car turned right. It was still moving straight, mind you, the car was just turned and oriented right. I eased off the gas, trying not to hit the brakes, and I cut my wheels left to try and correct it. Oh, i went left alright. This time, not only did the orientation of my car turn left, but my direction did, too. Right into the wall.
I was kind of at a diagonal to the wall when I hit it, but it the wall caught just the front of my right-front corner and put me into a spin. I don't know if it was 1 full spin or if it was 2. When I finally came to a stop after what seemed like 30 full seconds of spinning, I just sat there, bewildered, hands shaking too much to even fumble for my phone at first. Thankfully, I was on the uncrowded access road, and there weren't many other cars around. Had I been on 85, I would have definitely hit someone, should I have encountered a puddle like that, and the damage would have likely been bodily, rather than just automobile-um-ically.
Long and the short...I'm okay. My car is a different story, however. I filed a police report for insurance purposes, had the car towed, and my boss came and picked me up, and basically, this is where my story falls apart, because it isn't true, and I'm not that creative. Today is in fact the first day of the fourth month of the year, and I just thought I had to do something to honor it.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Resolution
The pictures posted in my previous entry depicted what my front yard looked like Wednesday night (and Thursday morning as I left for work).
The plan of what was to follow:
THURSDAY
FRIDAY (or whenever forcasted rain finishes passing through)
What actually happened:
THURSDAY
The plan of what was to follow:
THURSDAY
- County Inspection at 9:00am
- Plumbers fill the holes back in (planning on being done by noon)
- I get off work and go to Home Depot to pick up grass seed, fertilizer, and straw to spread.
- Meet plumber at 6:00 to give him my severed arm and leg as payment.
FRIDAY (or whenever forcasted rain finishes passing through)
- Spread grass seed and fertilizer
- Cover lawn with straw
- Wait for grass to "like magic appear"
- Be ultimately happy with things turned out, despite paying through the nose, because this is a permanent fix to some shoddy work done years ago.
What actually happened:
THURSDAY
- Inspection goes just fine
- 10:45, I stop by to see the plumber leaving (with earth-moving equipment on trailer). I see that Kimberly's uncle Mark is using the family-owned Bobcat to smooth the dirt. When I stopped to talk to him he said "Yeah, I told that guy he didn't know what he was doing, and to get outta here." I was actually thankful for this, because I know that Mark is really good with the Bobcat, and he does, in fact, know what he's doing. As I'm talking to Mark about the future of my front yard, Kristopher (Kimberly's brother) pulled up in a pickup truck full of seed, fertilizer, and straw, thus preventing me from having to go after work and pick up the stuff myself.
- 5:35, I got home from work, and within minutes, the plumber showed up. I gave him said arm and leg.
- 6:00, I got started on the yard. Thankfully, Kimberly's dad was there to offer up advice on how to actually prepare the packed dirt, and Kimberly's mom helped me rake, spread seed and fertilizer, and lay the straw, which was made much easier because my dad let me borrow his seed-spreader (which may have a proper name, but I don't know what it may be). We finished just as the last little bit of daylight was fading just after 8:00. Despite not being able to move for the rest of the night and still being sore today (Saturday morning), it's done. It was finished before this rain came in, which, of course, is ideal.
The point of it all...well, several points, I suppose, are as follows:
- It's all over. With the exception of waiting for the grass to come in, we are major-problem-free. Now, we're just left with all the minor problems that have always been there...but we can deal with those.
- You may think from reading this that Kimberly's family seems intrusive and meddlesome. This is not the case. They were awesome through all this, and I'm very thankful. The yard would have never been ready to seed if Mark had not worked his magic on it. It also wouldn't have happened if Kimberly's dad hadn't sent Kristopher to pick up and deliver the seed, fertilizer, and straw early in the day, and there's ABSOLUTELY no way it would have been done so fast if Kimberly's mom hadn't helped me work in the yard. It's a huge family, but they really help each other out. Sometimes I forget that. Kimberly's dad also gave me lots of advice along the way (which was helpful, given that I've never dealt with this before), and he also went and talked to the plumber himself just to make sure I wasn't getting ripped off.
- Despite having big, expensive problems, which are very trying on the nerves (not to mention the health of relationships), it's just good to know that the whole "for better or worse" thing actually holds true. Regardless of the fact that we were without running water for a lot of this time, Kimberly had to shower at her parents' house a few times, and it was just a general inconvenience on everybody...we could still find some sanity and some humor at some points of the night. We were at each other's throats a few times, but ultimately, we were fine, and we knew it. Cohen would smile at us, and that is something that will make every one of your worries seem do disappear, even if just for a moment.
Now, maybe I can put up a blog that has nothing to do with what happens to my poop after it leaves my body.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
How's your yard looking?
'Cause this is how mine is...
Every bit of grass in our "front yard" (excluding the part way down by the street) is gone. Our dogwood tree is gone. There are tons of supposedly important bushes and flowers and trees planted by Kimberly's grandmother and uncles over the years that are gone.
It's like starting over on a brand new front yard. Which, actually isn't all that bad. I didn't like some of those plants, and now we'll be able to plant a tree with Cohen and it'll be "his" tree, which I think is pretty cool.
However, Kimberly and I could have bought a car with the money it took to finally fix our septic system. I guess that's the point of this, though...it's actually fixed now. All that's left is the county inspection tomorrow (Thursday) morning, and then they fill the holes back in, leaving us with a blank canvas of land. I guess all that's left to decide now is what to do with it? It's too small for a proper hockey rink. I have always wanted a miniature golf course in my yard. Hmm...
Every bit of grass in our "front yard" (excluding the part way down by the street) is gone. Our dogwood tree is gone. There are tons of supposedly important bushes and flowers and trees planted by Kimberly's grandmother and uncles over the years that are gone.
It's like starting over on a brand new front yard. Which, actually isn't all that bad. I didn't like some of those plants, and now we'll be able to plant a tree with Cohen and it'll be "his" tree, which I think is pretty cool.
However, Kimberly and I could have bought a car with the money it took to finally fix our septic system. I guess that's the point of this, though...it's actually fixed now. All that's left is the county inspection tomorrow (Thursday) morning, and then they fill the holes back in, leaving us with a blank canvas of land. I guess all that's left to decide now is what to do with it? It's too small for a proper hockey rink. I have always wanted a miniature golf course in my yard. Hmm...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Seriously...
I'm going to start boycotting Subway.
If I hear that "$5 Foot Long" jingle one more time, I think I may kill somebody in the head.
Until they stop with the most annoying jingle that has ever existed, no Subway for me.
If I hear that "$5 Foot Long" jingle one more time, I think I may kill somebody in the head.
Until they stop with the most annoying jingle that has ever existed, no Subway for me.
Last week, I started a post about my sister and how awesome she is. I got a couple of paragraphs in, but I just never got around to finishing it. This was before they moved in to the new house...before her plumbing nightmare...and definitely before her most recent blog post (at shaunnafaye.blogspot.com). Then, after reading said blog post this morning, I am all the more compelled to come back and finish saying what I started about how smart she is and how proud of her I am.
I am only three and a half years older than she is, so when we were kids, there wasn't much looking back, reflecting, and noticing her coming of age. However, when we were young adults...when she was 17-18, and I was 20-21, I was more in a position to actually observe the process of her growing up.
There was the period she referred to in her blog...where she dated a guy who was a manipulative a-hole. We all liked him at first, and it was actually Brent (and maybe myself) that pushed them toward each other. We realized soon enough, however, that this guy was no good. We talked to Shaunna and tried to convince her, but by that point it was almost too late. She didn't want to hear what we were saying, and he had her convinced that it was the two of them against the world. That situation was actually the inspiration of one of the cheesiest, but most heartfelt Anthem songs, April 7th. It was about "a girl", who on her 18th birthday ran off with her boyfriend, leaving her family behind.
The story has a happy ending, however. Since that period, she grew in leaps and bounds (again, this is from my observation standpoint). Not that I am, nor should I be, the end-all, be-all decider in all things Shaunna, but from a big-brother position, I have approved of every person she has dated since then. Each of those people have been a step along the way to where she is now. And where she is now...is a good place. She and her husband have found each other. They fell in love and got married. They bought a house. They are now living the dream. For better or for worse (and I'm pretty sure they've had a bunch of both), they stand by each other's side.
Last weekend, during the move, it seriously almost brought a tear to my eye knowing that this isn't just one of the Shaunna Dorris "twice-yearly" changes in residences. This one was big. It was more important. This was Shaunna Turner starting her first household. This was Chris and Shaunna Turner and their first home.
For this stuff, I am left with nothing but admiration and love for my sister (and by brother-in-law). They're doing it. They're grows up.
And between you and me...they're both cool as crap.
I am only three and a half years older than she is, so when we were kids, there wasn't much looking back, reflecting, and noticing her coming of age. However, when we were young adults...when she was 17-18, and I was 20-21, I was more in a position to actually observe the process of her growing up.
There was the period she referred to in her blog...where she dated a guy who was a manipulative a-hole. We all liked him at first, and it was actually Brent (and maybe myself) that pushed them toward each other. We realized soon enough, however, that this guy was no good. We talked to Shaunna and tried to convince her, but by that point it was almost too late. She didn't want to hear what we were saying, and he had her convinced that it was the two of them against the world. That situation was actually the inspiration of one of the cheesiest, but most heartfelt Anthem songs, April 7th. It was about "a girl", who on her 18th birthday ran off with her boyfriend, leaving her family behind.
The story has a happy ending, however. Since that period, she grew in leaps and bounds (again, this is from my observation standpoint). Not that I am, nor should I be, the end-all, be-all decider in all things Shaunna, but from a big-brother position, I have approved of every person she has dated since then. Each of those people have been a step along the way to where she is now. And where she is now...is a good place. She and her husband have found each other. They fell in love and got married. They bought a house. They are now living the dream. For better or for worse (and I'm pretty sure they've had a bunch of both), they stand by each other's side.
Last weekend, during the move, it seriously almost brought a tear to my eye knowing that this isn't just one of the Shaunna Dorris "twice-yearly" changes in residences. This one was big. It was more important. This was Shaunna Turner starting her first household. This was Chris and Shaunna Turner and their first home.
For this stuff, I am left with nothing but admiration and love for my sister (and by brother-in-law). They're doing it. They're grows up.
And between you and me...they're both cool as crap.
Monday, March 2, 2009
I'd like to issue a formal challenge...
After some careful consideration, I'd like to issue a formal dispute to that age-old proverb..."Mo Money, Mo Problems". I think many people will agree with this.
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to put all of my weight (and that's a lot of weight) into opening my sliding-glass door every time I need to let the dog out.
If I had "mo money", we would have an oven that doesn't take over an hour to get halfway to the temperature we desire (not an exaggeration). We would also have a stovetop with four working burners, rather than the one and a half working burners we have now.
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to buy a new bottle of power steering fluid every three weeks for Kimberly's car...because I'd either have the leak fixed or we'd just buy a better car.
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have a basement full of old, dog-pee-stained carpet.
And
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to walk next door to take a shower or go twosies, because I'd have a septic tank that wasn't busted.
Don't take this the wrong way...I am blessed beyond what I should be. I do have a house, a car, a job, a sweet baby, and a smokin' hot wife. I have a bed to sit on and a computer sitting in my lap on which I can bitch about such things. I don't now, nor have I in the past 5 years considered myself poor. We can pay all our bills, and we'll be able to pay for the septic tank repair, but we'll just have to put off those the prospect of fixing those problems that fall a little lower on the priorities list. I like takeout, and straining to open the door is good excercise. My life is faaaaar from miserable.
This may be selfish, or it may just be a simple observation about life, but it just seems that there isn't one point in which everything is fine. If it isn't one thing, it's another. I guess that's what makes life interesting, but honestly, it's much more fun when the thing that's going wrong is something like being busy at work, or not being able to decide what to have for dinner. It isn't so great when the thing going wrong is any one of problems among the laundry list of "things-that-cost-a-whole--lot-of-money".
So, at the next meeting on the Dorris Business Deck, I'll raise the issue and take a vote, officially calling Schymanski's on the notion of "Mo Money, Mo Problems".
Because if I had "mo money", I'd still have 99 problems, but poop coming up from the shower drain in the basement would not be one.
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to put all of my weight (and that's a lot of weight) into opening my sliding-glass door every time I need to let the dog out.
If I had "mo money", we would have an oven that doesn't take over an hour to get halfway to the temperature we desire (not an exaggeration). We would also have a stovetop with four working burners, rather than the one and a half working burners we have now.
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to buy a new bottle of power steering fluid every three weeks for Kimberly's car...because I'd either have the leak fixed or we'd just buy a better car.
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have a basement full of old, dog-pee-stained carpet.
And
If I had "mo money", I wouldn't have to walk next door to take a shower or go twosies, because I'd have a septic tank that wasn't busted.
Don't take this the wrong way...I am blessed beyond what I should be. I do have a house, a car, a job, a sweet baby, and a smokin' hot wife. I have a bed to sit on and a computer sitting in my lap on which I can bitch about such things. I don't now, nor have I in the past 5 years considered myself poor. We can pay all our bills, and we'll be able to pay for the septic tank repair, but we'll just have to put off those the prospect of fixing those problems that fall a little lower on the priorities list. I like takeout, and straining to open the door is good excercise. My life is faaaaar from miserable.
This may be selfish, or it may just be a simple observation about life, but it just seems that there isn't one point in which everything is fine. If it isn't one thing, it's another. I guess that's what makes life interesting, but honestly, it's much more fun when the thing that's going wrong is something like being busy at work, or not being able to decide what to have for dinner. It isn't so great when the thing going wrong is any one of problems among the laundry list of "things-that-cost-a-whole--lot-of-money".
So, at the next meeting on the Dorris Business Deck, I'll raise the issue and take a vote, officially calling Schymanski's on the notion of "Mo Money, Mo Problems".
Because if I had "mo money", I'd still have 99 problems, but poop coming up from the shower drain in the basement would not be one.
Ahh, the joys.
Long, busy weekend.
Saturday, the usual suspects, minus dad (which really means Brent and I) helped Shaunna and Chris move. This is the, let's see...1, 2, 3....9th time she has moved in the past 7 years since she was 18. And this is the 8th time I was there for it. I would have been there for all nine, but one time was the day of Kimberly's Grandma's funeral.
Anyway, the actual moving part went pretty much without a hitch, with the exception of a very important part of their bed frame magically disappearing, making it impossible to put their bed together, forcing them to sleep in the guestroom for at least the first few nights of their new home. Other than that, the actual moving part was okay...we've done it so many times, we pretty much have it down to the science.
What did NOT go un-hitched, however was the plumbing problem that decided to smile upon Chris and Shaunna that day. Apparently, roots had grown into the sewage line, thus making flushing anything other than liquid impossible. Have no fear, though. It was a simple fix! All they had to do was have a plumber come to their house, dig a trench from the house to the street, notice that the water-in pipe is this polybutal material (that was made illegal about 20 years ago), AND the water-in pipe is sitting right on top of the sewage line (which is also apparently illegal), replace both lines and fill back in the trench, leaving the entire front yard look like a mud-pit! And all of this for only about $6.9 million! I felt really bad for Chris and Shaunna, having to pay a whole bunch of money to fix a plumbing problem. Then I remembered...I have a plumbing problem of my own.
When I got up on Sunday, it was time to clean aaaaallll the mold out of the downstairs bathroom and figure out what the deal is, where the leak is, and what we're going to do about it.
After three and a half hours of cleaning, bleaching, spraying vinegar (to prevent mold from growing back, according to the internets), pulling up carpets (to reveal the KICKIN' orange and yellow linoleum left behind from yester-year), and setting up the new dehumidifier, I was about spent. I thought the leak was coming from the toilet, so I turned the toilet off, with the intention of checking back today to see if there was any new water. We then went to mom and dad's house to watch Brent ride a rolling desk chair down the street in the snow.
About six o'clock, back at home, we discovered what the deal is. Kimberly had taken a shower, and then her mom came over for a minute. We went downstairs to show her mom the awesome linoleum floor, and then we saw it. The shower in the bathroom was about half full....Kimberly's previous shower had come back up through the drain. This means that our septic tank is most likely full and not doing what it's supposed to do. We have also since noticed that every time we flush a toilet upstairs, the shower fills with water.
Sheesh. I have to call the plumber today (the same plumber that helped Chris and Shaunna) and have him come over and tell me that It's probably going to take about $6.9 to fix our problem, too.
So much for the new furniture, sliding-glass door, stovetop, and oven that we were planning on getting!
Saturday, the usual suspects, minus dad (which really means Brent and I) helped Shaunna and Chris move. This is the, let's see...1, 2, 3....9th time she has moved in the past 7 years since she was 18. And this is the 8th time I was there for it. I would have been there for all nine, but one time was the day of Kimberly's Grandma's funeral.
Anyway, the actual moving part went pretty much without a hitch, with the exception of a very important part of their bed frame magically disappearing, making it impossible to put their bed together, forcing them to sleep in the guestroom for at least the first few nights of their new home. Other than that, the actual moving part was okay...we've done it so many times, we pretty much have it down to the science.
What did NOT go un-hitched, however was the plumbing problem that decided to smile upon Chris and Shaunna that day. Apparently, roots had grown into the sewage line, thus making flushing anything other than liquid impossible. Have no fear, though. It was a simple fix! All they had to do was have a plumber come to their house, dig a trench from the house to the street, notice that the water-in pipe is this polybutal material (that was made illegal about 20 years ago), AND the water-in pipe is sitting right on top of the sewage line (which is also apparently illegal), replace both lines and fill back in the trench, leaving the entire front yard look like a mud-pit! And all of this for only about $6.9 million! I felt really bad for Chris and Shaunna, having to pay a whole bunch of money to fix a plumbing problem. Then I remembered...I have a plumbing problem of my own.
When I got up on Sunday, it was time to clean aaaaallll the mold out of the downstairs bathroom and figure out what the deal is, where the leak is, and what we're going to do about it.
After three and a half hours of cleaning, bleaching, spraying vinegar (to prevent mold from growing back, according to the internets), pulling up carpets (to reveal the KICKIN' orange and yellow linoleum left behind from yester-year), and setting up the new dehumidifier, I was about spent. I thought the leak was coming from the toilet, so I turned the toilet off, with the intention of checking back today to see if there was any new water. We then went to mom and dad's house to watch Brent ride a rolling desk chair down the street in the snow.
About six o'clock, back at home, we discovered what the deal is. Kimberly had taken a shower, and then her mom came over for a minute. We went downstairs to show her mom the awesome linoleum floor, and then we saw it. The shower in the bathroom was about half full....Kimberly's previous shower had come back up through the drain. This means that our septic tank is most likely full and not doing what it's supposed to do. We have also since noticed that every time we flush a toilet upstairs, the shower fills with water.
Sheesh. I have to call the plumber today (the same plumber that helped Chris and Shaunna) and have him come over and tell me that It's probably going to take about $6.9 to fix our problem, too.
So much for the new furniture, sliding-glass door, stovetop, and oven that we were planning on getting!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Bipartisanship...Everyone Working Together to Waste Our Time...
Before dismissing this as another political rant, please note that no real political views are expressed in this blog. This is just regular-style bitchin'
President Obama addressed Congress this past Tuesday night. Well, kind of. He addressed Congress off and on with countless interruptions of applause and standing ovations, and general unnecessary fanfare. The address was supposed to start at 9:00. At that point Obama's cabinet was introduced, and they emerged as if they had just won the World Series, and this was their parade. Waves, hugs, kisses, laughs, banter...everything. After about 5 minutes of what should have taken 20 seconds, President Barrack Obama was introduced, and you would have thought it was the second coming of Christ. I believe he shook hands with every individual member of Congress, and in addition, had some comment or another for everyone he encountered on his journey to the podium. I say journey, because this was no stroll...this wasn't a simple walk to the podium. In an uncrowded room, this walk would likely be about 7 seconds. With "traffic", I'm going to put the travel time around 20 seconds. His walk, with all of its stops along the way and treks off the path took somewhere in the neighborhood of 17 minutes. This is ridiculous. It doesn't take me 17 minutes to wake up, get dressed, get in my car, drive to work, and start this blog!
Okay, he finally made it up to the podium...it was time to get started. "Madam Speaker..." (standing ovation). "I have come here to..." (standing ovation). Really? Now, I'm not a dummy. I know that this has been the status quo for some time. From Bush, back to Clinton, back to Bush Sr., back to Reagan, presidents' addresses to congress have been nothing more than a waste of time, interrupted by countless rounds of applause and standing ovations. This time was supposed to be different, though. If what the government has been telling us is right...if what the media has been telling us - that our economy is in shambles, and we're just a few bad home loans away from being a third-world country - is accurate, then damn it, there's no time for applause! Come in, run to the podium, jump up and say "This is what we need to do...this is what we have already begun doing...this is what we plan on starting tomorrow".
Look, this isn't a knock on Obama. I'm still hoping for the absolute best out of his presidency. I really do think he can get some great things done. It just seems ridiculous that these yahoos (meaning everyone in the room that night) are the ones that are actually running our country! It took them about an hour to deliver to the citizens of America a speech that - after removing all the applause and fanfare - was probably actually about 20 minutes.
How's that for efficiency?
Okay, here goes nothing...
I've done it. After a long time and some careful consideration (more consideration than one should probably give to the prospect of doing something so trivial), I've decided to start a blog. This blog - despite the post immediately following this one - will not be overtly political. However, I'm sure there will be some posts following governmental goings-on. The blog will not follow sports. However, given that the subject is an intrest of mine, I'm sure some posts will fall into that category as well. Mostly, what I hope to do over the course of time is inform and entertain.
Examples of what to expect from this blog include, but are not limited to the following:
Sports
Music
News
Television
Food
Politics
Cheese
Funny stuff that my baby does
Polar Bears
Funny stuff that my wife does
Steam-letting-off
The Thigh-Master
Etc.
So, there goes. Hope you enjoy.
Examples of what to expect from this blog include, but are not limited to the following:
Sports
Music
News
Television
Food
Politics
Cheese
Funny stuff that my baby does
Polar Bears
Funny stuff that my wife does
Steam-letting-off
The Thigh-Master
Etc.
So, there goes. Hope you enjoy.
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