I've got a bone to pick with Brian McKnight

This has bugged me for years. How many years? Ten. 1999 was when the song about which this entry is written was released. The song I am referring to is McKnight's hit "Back At One". I'm sure you've heard this song before. It was quite popular in the "R&B/Easy Listening" circuits for some time, and it still maintains somewhat regular radio play.

Just to refresh your memory (and to help along my blog post), I will use my fingers to type the lyrics of the chorus of this song. And I quote:

One - You're like a dream come true.
Two - Just want to be with you.
Three - 'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me, and
Four - Repeat steps one through three
Five - Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one.

Okay, here we go...

Alright. You're like a dream come true. Just want to be with you. Blah, blah, blah. It's all nice and sweet. Now we get to 4. Repeat steps 1-3? Those were steps? I thought steps were something to be done. Part of a process. This is no process. These are just mushy statements that were made about a member of the opposite sex. I'm sorry, but it is impossible for a person to perform these actions, (example: Hey, after you leave work, could you "'Cause it's plain to see that you're the only one for me", on the way home for me?). It does not work.

Not that it's even possible, because the whole chorus is shot after my last point, but let's move on. Okay, we have performed steps 1-3. We are now at step 4 - Repeat steps 1-3. Okay, let's repeat 'em. Done and done. We are now at step 4 again. Oh...repeat steps 1-3. Well, we just repeated them, but we're back at 4, so let's repeat 'em again. It's a constant cycle that never, ever, makes it to step 5.

Well, logic hasn't stopped us yet. Let's keep this thing a-rollin', shall we?

Step five: Make you fall in love with me.
It seems to me that if you ignored steps 1-4 and just did step 5, then you'd probably be good, right? I mean, I would imagine that the whole objective in this "do-it-yourself" guide is to make the other person fall in love with you. But now that I think about it...steps 1-4 are things that should be done (or said, as 1-3 are impossible to "do") after the subject has fallen in love with the participant. So shouldn't step 5 be moved up to the top of the list? Then steps 1-4 will now become steps 2-5. At this point, when you get to step 5 (formerly step 4), you can now go back and repeat steps 2-4. Now we're getting somewhere! You already made her fall in love with you at step 1, so the rest of your life (or the life of your relationship) can be devoted to repeating steps 2-5...well, just steps 2-4, as step 5 is just the repetition of 2-4.

If my proposal is accepted, and step 5 is moved up, then that renders unnecessary the last line of the chorus: If ever I believe my work is done, then I start back at one. You know, if that ain't efficiency, then I don't know what is. Just by using a little logic, I have shaved the length of the chorus by roughly 16 percent. What was a six-line chorus is now a five line chorus.

Then again, the title of the song comes from that line.

These are the reasons why Brian McKnight is a source of seemingly endless frustration for me.