Highlight of my day...

So my sign-buddy Nate was taking the trash out at work. He stuck his head in the door and said, "Hey, there's a big rat snake out by your car if you want to see it...

Psh, YEAH I wanna see it...





This thing was 5 feet long, easy. It was on the move until I came up to it, then it stopped for a photo-op. It was at this point that I realized that not only am I not afraid of snakes, I actually love them. It took all of my self control not to try and catch it. What I would have done once I caught it...I have no clue.

Who would have thought that my longest blog to date would be about Jon and Kate?

I'm pissed. I'm actually genuinely furious. About Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

Long story short, for those of you who happen to have been living under a rock, or *gasp* without cable for the past 3-4 years: Jon and Kate Goselyn have a set of twins and a set of sextuplets, totalling 8 kids (hence the name...get it?). They have had a show following the day-to-day schemanskies and goings-on of the crazy life they live. Everything has been all fine and dandy in Jon and Kate World for the past few years, and all of the sudden, their popularity has just about reached supersaturation, and nothing good can come out of this.

*What follows is partly true, partly my opinion...take it as you want, but it's not necessarily the gospel truth.

According to last night's episode (and all the tabloids), Jon is tired of doing the show. Kate has written a book and travels constantly promoting it. Jon apparently got stressed out with everything, went out and flirted with one or more young ladies. He claims that while he did not cheat on Kate, he absolutely used some poor judgment. She is putting this all on his shoulders. They both admit that they have no idea what the current status of their relationship is, and at least Kate (if not both of them) are considering that there could actually possible be a divorce involved.

Like I said...I'm pissed...and I'll break it down for you right here:

KATE
Kate needs to get over herself. She has eight children. Eight. What do you do when you have eight children who are all under the age of 10? YOU MAKE THEM YOUR PRIORITY. Sorry...you don't get to tour the country unless you're bringing the entire family along, and Lord knows they have the money to do that. She claims that she is away because of "obligations" to do this book tour. Nope, I'm not buying it. Your obligation is to your family. If your book-store-hopping is hindering your family. The tour should stop.

JON
Don't think that I'm taking his side because of how I feel about Kate. Jon, you're an idiot. You know good and damn well you have papparazzi following you everywhere you go. It makes no difference if you cheated, didn't cheat, or were going out to preach the gospel to these poor, lost, co-eds. Use your head. YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO YOUR FAMILY, AS WELL. Did you think that being photographed in public with one or more members of the opposite sex would be good for the home life?

PAPPARAZZI
Screw those guys.

THE LEARNING CHANNEL
They're eating this crap up. They love every minute of showing this family - a family that much of America has come to know and love - fall apart at the seams. As far as these TV executive types are concerned, this is RATINGS, RATINGS, RATINGS! It makes me sick. A responsible programming director (or whatever those people are called) would see that this is getting out of hand. They would make the decision to stop the cameras...if nothing else, just for a year or so...to let things air out. Let the family get back on their feet. But NOOOOO! We need to show this! America wants to see this family go through these struggles...which brings me to my next point...the big one:

SOCIETY IN GENERAL
When did we get to this point? When did watching a once loving family that is now crumbling apart become quality programming? What have we turned into?

I normally hate almost any kind of reality tv. I never really liked this show in particular. They are just a family, who happens to have a ton of kids. I never saw what the big deal was. What has impacted me so much recently, though, is the fact that this is not a sitcom. The writers can not make sure that despite the trials that this family trudges through, all will be well in the end. This is a real family. These are real children.


Here's what it all boils down to. When I was 16, my parents almost got divorced. They ended up deciding that they could, and would, work together to avoid that. I'm really glad they did, but I still find myself asking today - 13 years later - "Did they just do that for me, my brother, and my sister?" "Do they actually hate each other now, but are just tolerating each other just to make it convenient for everyone else?" I really think the answer to both of those questions is no, but the thought will always be in the back of my mind. If they had worked this out in private; if they had never brought it to our attention, then we'd never even know about it today, and these doubts wouldn't exist.
That's what bugs me about Jon and Kate. Given all the bad choices that were made, if they found a way to make it work; if they worked through their problems in private without airing them out for the entire world to see, things could potentially be better. Their kids may never have to know that this conflict ever happened. They wouldn't have to grow up with the same doubt that haunts me from time to time. Jon said it best in last night's episode "One day my kids are going to Google me".

All of this could have been avoided if:
1. Kate didn't put this pressure on Jon and her family
2. Jon didn't cave under said pressure and go out and make bad choices
3. The network had a soul
4. The American public didn't stick its nose into the lives of normal families via Reality TV and Papparazzi.

I'm pissed.

There's a commercial out now for Liquid-Plumr "Foaming Pipe Snake" that says, "What do you get when you mix the power of Liquid-Plumr with the technology of the future?". It is my contention that once we have the technology...it is no longer the technology of the future.


You know the Ocean Spray commercials with the two guys standing in a bog where evidently millions of cranberries are growing. That looks fun as crap. I'd love to jump in, swim, and play in something like that. It looks like a giant ball pit...that you can eat.


For some reason, my skin crawls every time I see a girl refer to another girl as "girl". For example: "Girl, you look good for just having had a baby!", or "Girl, you know Jon's just staying with Kate for the money". Any time I see a comment that starts with the word "girl" followed by a comma, it makes me want to slap someone's sister. Not my sister, though.


When I was going to sleep last night, in my halfway-between-awake-and-asleep phase, it was like my brain was scrolling through thoughts and statements trying to find a jumping-off point for a dream, and the following three questions floated through my mind in this order: "Are you kidding me?", "Will you answer the phone?", "Do you have hair in your mouth?". I heard them in female voices...almost like two females were talking to each other. It jolted me out of my snooze and I had to start over in the going to sleep process.


It just occurred to me that I have no idea how my sister would react if I slapped her.

They paved paradise and put up a test of social common courtesy

Occasionally, I don't feel like making the 10 minute drive home from work to have lunch, and I treat myself to drive-thru, sit in a parking lot, and listen to sports talk radio. I'm sure lots of you do the same (without all the sports). Anyway, as I sat in the parking lot today, I noticed a number of "parking lot fouls", and it really bugged me. Therfore, I will now post a list of p's and q's as far as I see it for proper parking lot behavior.

Danny Danger's Straight-Up Parking Lot Etiquette

1. If there are other spaces available, there's no need to sit and wait for a car to pull out of a closer parking space and take that one. I've seen it a million times. While some lady loads her baby, her toddler, and her shopping cart full of groceries into her minivan, someone else is sitting there in their car, blocking the lane, just to get the close space when said minivan leaves. When I see this, I go ahead and park a little farther back. I'm usually in the store before the waiting driver has even occupied his/her prime spot. I'm a pretty big guy who doesn't really like to excercise all that much, but even I can handle walking an extra 20-30 feet.

2. If you're walking across a parking lot lane, and someone in a car is waiting for you to cross, do it quickly. Come on. If a driver is nice enough to let you cross in front of them, don't waste their time by walking slowly. When I'm crossing in front of a car - even in a pedestrian crosswalk, where I have the right of way - I do it with a quickness. Heck, I even give the token "thank-you" wave. It's called being nice. I recommend it.

3. When walking to/from the store from/to your car, walk on the side of the lane, not in the middle of it. Really? You're walking through a parking lot, and you're going to stroll right down the middle of the lane? The drivers you're holding up really appreciate that.

4. You drive one car. Park in one space. The parking lot where I work is almost always empty. The lot has room for 64 cars, but there are never more than 5 or 6 in the lot at a time. About a week ago, some yahoo parked across three spaces. Sure he had the freedom to do so...he wasn't preventing someone else from having space to park. Still it didn't change the fact that it made him look like a total jerk. Had he just taken one of the three spaces, I wouldn't hate his guts today.

5. PUT YOUR SHOPPING CARTS WHERE THEY BELONG! This is a big one...probably the biggest one in my book. You know that guy that has to come out and collect all the carts? He doesn't get paid very much. Why are you going to make his job even more miserable by forcing him to trek all over creation to get the cart that you were too lazy to put in the corral? This holds true especially for this time of year. Summer's coming. It will be getting really hot outside soon. In addition, carts that are left in the parking lot usually end up rolling into open spaces, rendering them unusable, or worse, they roll into other cars. How many dings do you have in the side of your car from people not putting their carts away? Personally, I feel a sense of satisfaction when I put the cart in the corral where it belongs. You know what feels even better? Taking it all the way back into the store. That's courtesy, homes.

Basically, it all boils down to one general tenet. Don't be an a-hole. The nicer you are, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the better your life is. It's all about the golden rule.

SPECIAL ADDED BONUS MATERIAL

Nate, my sign-buddy, added another rule that I previously hadn't thought of. It's a good rule, though, so it needs to be said.

6. Unless it's water, don't empty your cup by your car door. Nobody needs to step in your sticky cola residue. The same applies with gum, candy, or really any trash in general. If you look around, I'm SURE you're going to find a trash can somewhere. If you REALLY need to get that drink out of your cup...like RIGHT NOW, there is likely an island with some nice grass or pine straw closeby. Otherwise...just wait till you get home. Pour it out in the sink.
Plus, it attracts ants. You know how I feel about ants.